Flash Flyer - Sakura Posted June 22, 2009 Report Share Posted June 22, 2009 Yugioh Starfire GX take place all around the world, but it is mostly focused in the United States, in Hawaii, where I live. The motive is somewhat similar to Yugioh 5Ds, but with some ideas I cooked up on my own. ---------------------------------------------------- The characters of the story and their bio: [spoiler=The 5 Signers] As in the 5Ds Anime, five random people are chosen by destiny to be a Signer, a duelist savior that is destined to protect the world from the forces of evil. Those five are given a special birthmark, those being of an animal. They are: Bunny, Horse, Tiger, Phoenix and the Dragon. Ironically, these Signers also possess the Dark Synchro monsters/Earthbound Immortal cards from the 5Ds Anime [spoiler=Jason] Age: 14 Occupation: High School Student/International Turbo Duelist/Konoha Village Jonin Deck: Elemental Heroes (Ground/Turbo (Main) / Anime Girls (Turbo) Bio: The leader of the Signers! An average 14-year old, lives in the upper class district of Neo Domino in Hawaii and likes Elemental Heroes, although he is NOT a fan of Jaden Yuki! Has lots of energy and charisma. Has a strong core and is strong in dueling and in real life. Is currently dating the Tiger Signer, Sakura :smile: This is ME! Signer Mark: Bunny [spoiler=Haruka Ikariyashi] Age: 12 Occupation: Pokemon Coordinator/7th grader Deck: Blackwings Bio: An energetic pre-teen, she lives in the Saikyou Houteki region in Japan. She idolizes Crow from 5Ds and carries on his legacy. Her English name is May Higashi. Signer Mark: Phoenix [spoiler=Sakura Haruno] Age: 14 Occupation: Konoha Ninja Deck: Ninjutsu/Ninja Deck (Ground) / Fallen Angels (Turbo) Bio: Lives in Hawaii with her boyfriend, Jason. Spends majority of her time with ME! She is an original member of Squad 7 and still has that other special boy in her heart, though she wants to destroy him. Signer Mark: Tiger [spoiler=Luna Raizen] Age: 11 Occupation: (none) Deck: Fairy Tales (ground) / Anime Boys (turbo) Bio: Lives in the middle class district Neo Domino City in Japan. One of the original 5Ds Signers, has a brother named Leo and a stepfather named Hoshimaru Signer Mark: Dragon [spoiler=Corporal Jack R. Himmelburg] Age: 34 Occupation: Germany's 417th Military Regiment Leader Deck: Nazism Deck (Ground) / Aslla Piscu Deck (Turbo) Bio: A fierce militaristic man that lives in Northern Germany. He is the descendant of the Nazi leader, Adolf Hitler. He is held in high stature because of his position as a Signer and his ancestry. When he duels, he always has a translator with him, because he cannot speak English, he can only speak German. Signer Mark: Horse [spoiler=Dark Signers] Similar to the 5Ds ones, but there are NO Shadow Drones and every Dark Signer has Dark Synchro monsters as their ace cards. There are currently 6 MAIN Dark Signers right now, but I'm only introducing 3. More will be introduced later to heighten the suspense. The organization is actually 700 members strong, but we'll introduce the other MINOR characters when they appear. The main Dark Signers have a mark that is derived from the Nazca Lines, the OTHERS don't! Here are your main 6! [spoiler=Kiryu Sumaru] Age: 20 Occupation: Dark Signer Deck: Infernity Bio: This is Kalin Kessler OR Kyosuke Kiryu, except I renamed him. Nothing more to be said. Mark: [Giant] [spoiler=Nagato Konan] Age: 47 Occupation: Dark Signer Deck: Tendo Realm/Chikabu Tensei Deck Bio: Formerly Nagato OR Yahiko from Naruto Shippuden, after he was defeated, he died of an illness. He was revived by the Dark Signers and now he lives to seek revenge on the Signers because they were affiliated with the Leaf. Mark: [Condor] [spoiler=Sasuke Uchiha] Age: 14 Occupation: Renegade Ninja/Akatsuki Member/Dark Signer Deck: Uchiha Pride (ground) / Akatsuki Rampage (Turbo) Bio: Yes, this is Sasuke Uchiha! He's the leader of the Dark Signers and he's also a rogue ninja from the Konoha village and the Sound Village. He belongs to the Akatsuki and he still seeks his revenge. His soul became too corrupted with evil and he died of a memory block. He was revived to carry out his revenge. [read Sasuke's profile on Naruto Wikia for the rest (self-explanatory)] Mark: Snake ----------------------------The first chapter shall be written later, maybe tonight or tomorrow. We'll start off with a duel, so it'll be good :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flash Flyer - Sakura Posted June 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 Chapter 1: Rise of the Signer ------------------------------Location: HawaiiPlace: Eastern Neo Domino City ------------------------------ Two of the Signers, Jason and Sakura, are in East Neo Domino on a date!--------------------Jason: Hey Saku, what do you want to do Sakura: Let's go shop for more cards Jason: OMG, that's so awesome! Let's go Ideal Collectibles, they got everything we need 4 our decks (they walk to Ideal Collectibles, the local card shop in Hawaii's Neo Domino District) Sakura: Hey Jason, you ever heard of TCO! Jason: I screw that site, the admin and mod hate my a** Sakura: I hate them too! Jason: Yeah, me hates them so I made some anti-TCO on YCM Sakura: Me too! Jason: We get lots in common, don't we? Sakura: Yeah! (Just then, two people wearing black cloaks come running up. They bear the numbers 13 and 14 on their foreheads and carry Duel Discs. They are from the Dark Signer group, but they are the minor league ones) [NOTE: Dark Signer 13 uses a Zombie-type Deck and Dark Signer 14 uses an Evil Hero deck]-----------------------------DS13: Hey you fools, halt! Sakura: What the heck is this? Jason: I don't know, Saku, but let's get rid of them DS14: Ha ha, mortals! To get rid of us, you must fight us in a duel! To defeat the evil Dark Signers! Jason: You idiots are...Dark Signers! Sh*t, I'll destroy you myself if I have to! DS13: Bah ha ha, you....to defeat us! Boy you Signers suck! Sakura: Shut up, you pieces of dirt! DS14: You be quiet and fight us in a duel! Sakura: Jason, I hate doing this! Jason: Don't worry, we'll beat these jokers together, then we can resume our date! Sakura: Yeah! DUEL! ---------Jason: LP8000Sakura: LP8000Dark Signer #13: LP8000Dark Signer #14: LP8000--------- Turn 1 Jason: Signers first and I draw! First I'll summon Elemental Hero Sakura (Itarashi) [ATK 1500/DEF 1200] [spoiler=E-Hero Sakura] Jason: Then I end my turn with 3 face-downs! Sakura: You go, Jason-maru! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Turn 2 DS13: Alright then, I draw! Then I summon Mezuki in Attack Mode [ATK 1700/DEF 800] [spoiler=Mezuki] Then I play Saber of Malice! Whenever the equipped monster attacks a Defending monster, the Defender is destroyed! And last I end! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Turn 3 Sakura: It's my turn and I draw! First I'll summon my Anbu Ninja - Sakura to the field in Attack Mode! [ATK 2050/DEF 1700] [spoiler=Anbu Ninja - Sakura] Now I play the spell: Swords of Revealing Light to stop your Dark Signers from attacking for 3 rounds! DS14: That's bull! Sakura: Call it what you will, I place another face-down and end my turn! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Turn 4 DS14: Alright you fools, I'll end you now! I draw my card and play Dark Fusion! Jason: Hmph, about time some one played Dark Fusion! Haven't seen it for like...forever! DS14: Well here's a surprise! I fuse my Evil Hero Malicious Edge along with my LV6 Great Maju Garzett in my hand to Fusion Summon - Evil Hero Malicious Fiend! [ATK 3500/DEF 2100] [spoiler=The Fusion] + + = Sakura: Jason, that fiend has over 3500 ATK Jason: Yeah all the same to me! I reveal the face-down: Attack Drain! When you Special Summon a monster, that monster's ATK is reduced to 0.Then our monsters have their ATK increased by the Special Summoned monster's ATK. Since Malicious had 3500 points, that means E-Hero Sakura and Anbu Ninja will gain another 3500 ATK. (Elemental Hero Sakura [ATK 5000/DEF 1200])(Anbu Ninja - Sakura [ATK 5550/DEF 1700]) DS14: Aww, screw you! I play Big Shield Gardna in Defense Mode and end my turn (DEF 2600) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Turn 5 Jason: OK then, time to bring these Dark Signers down! I draw card!"Perfect, if I play this right, the Dark shall lose!" Now I play the spell card: Sakura Duplication! This will summon up 2 more Elemental Hero Sakura from my Deck to my field! [ATK 1500]. Then I reveal the face-down Trap: Level 1 Up! to increase 1 of the normal E-Hero Sakura's Level to 5! And next I play the Tuner monster: Blackwing - Gale the Whirlwind (ATK 1300/LV3) [spoiler=Blackwing - Gale] (E-Hero Sakura (LV5) and Blackwing Gale (LV3) begin to glow and disappear into a vortex) [spoiler=Summoning Dragon Chant!] When light combines with the windsThe divine one shall rise and protect the heavensAll evil will be destroyed and the savior dragon glow!Behold my very mark! Synchro Summon! Blue Wind Slayer Dragon! [ATK 3200/DEF 2600] [spoiler-Blue Wind Slayer Dragon] [spoiler=Effect]1 Tuner + 1 or more non-Tuner monsters When you Synchro Summon this card successfully, destroy all monsters your opponent controls. They lose Life Points equal to the combined original ATK of the monsters destroyed. Then you can draw 1 card for every 500 point sof damage. When your monsters battle against your opponent's monsters, they are not destroyed and any damage from the battle is inflicted to your opponent instead. DS13/DS14: Oh no, not the Blue Wind's Slayer! Jason: Yeah that's right! Now watch as my dragon rips apart your monsters and you suffer 3600 damage! DS13: LP4400DS14: LP4400 Sakura: And now to end you, I play the trap card: Whirlwind Clash! Now our monsters attack both of you directly! (5550 + 5000 + 3200 = 13750)! Opponents: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Jason/Sakura: Let's end this (both Jason and Sakura's marks glow)! Monsters, destroy the enemy! (simultaneously) Opponents are knocked to 0 LP! Jason: And that's game! Sakura: You were right, they were chumps! Jason: Let's resume our trip to Ideal Collectibles, shall we? Sakura: You said it, Jason-kun! Jason: Sakura-chan! ----------------------------------- THE END OF CHAPTER 1!THE END OF CHAPTER 1!---------------------------------------Thanks computerwhiz for the comment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ƬЦЯBӨƧƧ Posted June 24, 2009 Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 Not bad as a start, but I hope the next chapter will be better 8). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flash Flyer - Sakura Posted June 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2009 It will be: You may get to see Sasuke Uchiha :D I intend him to like like [spoiler=This] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted June 25, 2009 Report Share Posted June 25, 2009 You do realize that the Signer marks are: 1) All based off of an individual animal (the Crimson Dragon)?2) Are actually based off of Nazca Lines? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flash Flyer - Sakura Posted June 25, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 25, 2009 My signer marks are on 5 different animals And the Dark Signers do follow the 5Ds example Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flash Flyer - Sakura Posted July 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 Sorry for the delay of the next chapter, but here it is:--------------------------------------------------Chapter 2:Roar of the Ally of Justices Location: Northwest Japan, Saikyou Region Date: July 5, 2009 --------------------------------------------After the dramatic fight between the first 2 signers, they went off to the card store and continued their date. However another battle was about to emerge, and it would call forth the Phoenix Signer, Haruka!--------------------------------------------Shinra Private Academy: [Haruka is getting out of school] Haruka: I'm bored lately. All of my tests are complete and now we're watching some boring commercials about some drugs I'm too young to take. Unknown classmate: Yeah it's getting boring Haruka: I wish there was something more exciting that could happen. (Just then, a dark cloud covers the region. A figure wearing a black cloak jumps from the cloud and lands in front of Haruka) Haruka: Who the heck are you? figure: I am Dark Signer #201 (pulls cloak off to reveal the number 201 on his back). And I challenge you to a duel Haruka: Finally! Something with more action. I accept! DS201: You shall fall to the shadows! (Both players activate their duel discs) Haruka: 8000 LPDark Signer #201: 8000 LP ------------------BOTH: Let's duel! ~Turn 1~ DS201: The darkness shall go first! I summon Psychokinetic Fighter (ATK 1500) Then I place a face-down and end my turn ~Turn 2~ Haruka: It's my turn then and I draw! ~Chapter still in progress, DO NOT COMMENT UNTIL IT IS COMPLETED!~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weather Report - Stand Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 Sorry, Mr. Moderator, but I may be a little... regular... here, as usual.Chapter 1: Rise of the SignerWhat' date=' just one Signer? Okay.[/color']------------------------------Location: HawaiiPlace: Eastern Neo Domino City... Why is it in Hawaii?------------------------------ Two of the Signers, Jason and Sakura, are in East Neo Domino on a date!This is too sudden and I dislike the second name, even if it's a member.--------------------Jason: Hey Saku, what do you want to doGRAMMAR POLICE. This sounds like he was forced to go on a date with this girl and he wants to get it over with. So he asks her what she wants to do without any effort put into it. Now to get to the real points here: Script format is lazy. It's just out of place for short stories. It makes me think that the author is too much of a bum to properly write something. Sorry, but that's the first impression. Next, where are they SPECIFICALLY? By the Super Company HQ building? By Diaper Inc? By a giant dead ant? How romantic... Also, the characters... what do they look like? Some pink idiot girl and a killer in a mask? I guess so.Sakura: Let's go shop for more cardsHow shallow. And stupid. REALLY.Jason: OMG, that's so awesome! Let's go Ideal Collectibles, they got everything we need 4 our decksPeople don't talk like this unless they're stupid or stupid-sounding girls. Jason is a sissy.(they walk to Ideal Collectibles, the local card shop in Hawaii's Neo Domino District)Descriptive-tastic.Sakura: Hey Jason, you ever heard of TCO!'Dat ain't a question!Jason: I screw that site, the admin and mod hate my a**This guy's really annoying. I'm disappointed with your quality so far.Sakura: I hate them too!Then why did you ask about them? IDIOTS.Jason: Yeah, me hates them so I made some anti-TCO on YCMWhy can't these people talk? Your grammar is deplorable!! Which is a bad thing. I hate this story so far.Sakura: Me too! Jason: We get lots in common, don't we?GRAMMAR HATER!!Sakura: Yeah!Thanks for agreeing with me.(Just then, two people wearing black cloaks come running up. They bear the numbers 13 and 14 on their foreheads and carry Duel Discs. They are from the Dark Signer group, but they are the minor league ones)How can we see their foreheads if they were in cloaks? How can there be more than five D. Signers? Do they have leagues now? How many are there? This makes NO sense.[NOTE: Dark Signer 13 uses a Zombie-type Deck and Dark Signer 14 uses an Evil Hero deck]-----------------------------DS13: Hey you fools, halt!How did we skip time now?Sakura: What the heck is this?Don't you mean 'Who the heck are they'?Jason: I don't know, Saku, but let's get rid of themOkay, Saku, let's SLAUGHTER THEM. *takes out gun*DS14: Ha ha, mortals! To get rid of us, you must fight us in a duel! To defeat the evil Dark Signers!What will happen if they don't fight them? Will they follow them around and annoy them at the most inappropriate moments?Jason is sitting on the toilet. Suddenly #'s 13 and 14 break into the bathroom! "BOO!!" they yell.And can't they get shot? If they won't die, then you could at least shoot their arms and legs so they're useless.Jason: You idiots are...Dark Signers! Sh*t, I'll destroy you myself if I have to!*takes out gun* How does he know these losers? Does he have a past with them? Why don't you say this? This is dumb.DS13: Bah ha ha, you....to defeat us! Boy you Signers suck!THESE guys suck. They can't even laugh right. This story is going nowhere. And the plot is... uh, a stereotypical battle. GOOD JOB.Sakura: Shut up, you pieces of dirt!STOP TRASH-TALKING AND DUEL ALREADY!!DS14: You be quiet and fight us in a duel!PLEASE DO.Sakura: Jason, I hate doing this!Then why do you play Yu-Gi-Oh?Jason: Don't worry, we'll beat these jokers together, then we can resume our date!What a great night.Sakura: Yeah! DUEL! ---------Jason: LP8000Sakura: LP8000Dark Signer #13: LP8000Dark Signer #14: LP8000--------- Turn 1 Jason: Signers first and I draw! First I'll summon Elemental Hero Sakura (Itarashi) [ATK 1500/DEF 1200]Holy crap, that's lame. The idea is too cheap and the picture... I won't ask about that since I don't know what an itarashi is. But seriously?! Die, card idea![spoiler=E-Hero Sakura] Jason: Then I end my turn with 3 face-downs! Sakura: You go, Jason-maru!Okay, I KNOW nobody says THAT.---------------------------------------------------------------------- Turn 2 DS13: Alright then, I draw! Then I summon Mezuki in Attack Mode [ATK 1700/DEF 800] [spoiler=Mezuki] Then I play Saber of Malice! Whenever the equipped monster attacks a Defending monster, the Defender is destroyed! No! You just copied manga Bastion(from the awesome Yu-Gi-Oh! GX manga)! You aren't creative, at least not according to what I've seen so far. Sorry, I'd accept it if it wasn't a manga card, but not here.And last I end! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Turn 3 Sakura: It's my turn and I draw! First I'll summon my Anbu Ninja - Sakura to the field in Attack Mode! [ATK 2050/DEF 1700] [spoiler=Anbu Ninja - Sakura] Great. Now you look like an OTAKU.Now I play the spell: Swords of Revealing Light to stop your Dark Signers from attacking for 3 rounds! DS14: That's bull!YOU'RE NOT COOL.Sakura: Call it what you will, I place another face-down and end my turn! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Turn 4 DS14: Alright you fools, I'll end you now! I draw my card and play Dark Fusion!OH NOOOOOOO.Jason: Hmph, about time some one played Dark Fusion! Haven't seen it for like...forever!WHY DON'T YOU TELL US ABOUT WHAT HE DID WITH THESE GUYS BEFORE?!DS14: Well here's a surprise! I fuse my Evil Hero Malicious Edge along with my LV6 Great Maju Garzett in my hand to Fusion Summon - Evil Hero Malicious Fiend! [ATK 3500/DEF 2100] [spoiler=The Fusion] + + = Oh no!Sakura: Jason, that fiend has over 3500 ATKGRAMMAR HATERJason: Yeah all the same to me! I reveal the face-down: Attack Drain! When you Special Summon a monster, that monster's ATK is reduced to 0.Then our monsters have their ATK increased by the Special Summoned monster's ATK. Since Malicious had 3500 points, that means E-Hero Sakura and Anbu Ninja will gain another 3500 ATK.COME ON!! BE FAIR!! STOP MAKING IMPOSSIBLY CHEAP CARDS!!(Elemental Hero Sakura [ATK 5000/DEF 1200])(Anbu Ninja - Sakura [ATK 5550/DEF 1700]) DS14: Aww, screw you! I play Big Shield Gardna in Defense Mode and end my turn (DEF 2600) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Turn 5 Jason: OK then, time to bring these Dark Signers down! I draw card!"Perfect, if I play this right, the Dark shall lose!" Now I play the spell card: Sakura Duplication! This will summon up 2 more Elemental Hero Sakura from my Deck to my field! [ATK 1500]. Then I reveal the face-down Trap: Level 1 Up! to increase 1 of the normal E-Hero Sakura's Level to 5!Not cool at all.And next I play the Tuner monster: Blackwing - Gale the Whirlwind (ATK 1300/LV3) [spoiler=Blackwing - Gale] (E-Hero Sakura (LV5) and Blackwing Gale (LV3) begin to glow and disappear into a vortex) [spoiler=Summoning Dragon Chant!] When light combines with the windsThe divine one shall rise and protect the heavensAll evil will be destroyed and the savior dragon glow!Behold my very mark! Synchro Summon! Blue Wind Slayer Dragon! The chants are lame. Seriously. Don't use them.[ATK 3200/DEF 2600] [spoiler-Blue Wind Slayer Dragon] [spoiler=Effect]1 Tuner + 1 or more non-Tuner monsters When you Synchro Summon this card successfully, destroy all monsters your opponent controls. They lose Life Points equal to the combined original ATK of the monsters destroyed. Then you can draw 1 card for every 500 point sof damage. When your monsters battle against your opponent's monsters, they are not destroyed and any damage from the battle is inflicted to your opponent instead. WAAAAY TOO CHEAP. So when you use Heavy Storm and summon it, you win. FAIR.DS13/DS14: Oh no, not the Blue Wind's Slayer! Jason: Yeah that's right! Now watch as my dragon rips apart your monsters and you suffer 3600 damage! DS13: LP4400DS14: LP4400 Sakura: And now to end you, I play the trap card: Whirlwind Clash! Now our monsters attack both of you directly! (5550 + 5000 + 3200 = 13750)! Opponents: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Jason/Sakura: Let's end this (both Jason and Sakura's marks glow)! Monsters, destroy the enemy! (simultaneously) Opponents are knocked to 0 LP!That was lame.Jason: And that's game! Sakura: You were right, they were chumps!Sure, they're chumps, but what happens to them? Do they turn into dust? Do they explode?Jason: Let's resume our trip to Ideal Collectibles, shall we? Sakura: You said it, Jason-kun! Jason: Sakura-chan! ----------------------------------- THE END OF CHAPTER 1!THE END OF CHAPTER 1!---------------------------------------Thanks computerwhiz for the commentTHAT WAS TOO HYPER-ACTIVE. YOU PUT NO EFFORT INTO STORY, DIALOGUE, PLOT, CHARACTERS, CARDS, OR SUSPENSE. I HAD NO FUN READING THIS AT ALL. Please re-write this ENTIRE story, making it better, sensible, full of explanation, AND NOT IN FREAKING SCRIPT FORMAT. LAZY FORMAT, I SAY!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 *puts on "Dance, Dance", gets ready to critique* Chapter 1: Rise of the Signer ------------------------------Location: HawaiiPlace: Eastern Neo Domino City ------------------------------ Two of the Signers' date=' Jason and Sakura, are in East Neo Domino on a date!Well, you seem rather anxious for us to know this. First of all, why the hell are they on a date? Was it TWOO WUV, or is it possibly an arranged marriage? Also, they're Signers. Whoop-dee-doo. Shouldn't you actually tell us this when it's, y'know, relevant? (For the record, I bet your real name is Jason. Just saying...) --------------------Jason: Hey Saku, what do you want to doAnd she's not good enough for a -chan, when she obviously is later? Also, Sakura's a Sue name; it's used way too much. Also, you hate periods. Sakura: Let's go shop for more cardsIf my girl was like this on a date, I don't care how hot she was, I'd dump her a**. It's too contrived. Jason: OMG, that's so awesome! Let's go Ideal Collectibles, they got everything we need 4 our decksLiek, chatspek FTW. ;D (they walk to Ideal Collectibles, the local card shop in Hawaii's Neo Domino District)So you don't even want to describe this in context? Then again, that's what script speak forces you do. DON'T DO IT. Sakura: Hey Jason, you ever heard of TCO!"Yes, Jason, I have in fact heard of tacos." Jason: I screw that site, the admin and mod hate my a**Sorry, you can't exactly screw inanimate objects. Unless that's your thing. Sakura: I hate them too! Jason: Yeah, me hates them so I made some anti-TCO on YCMVince really needs to pop up with some product placement right now; that'd be just perfect. WAY TO BROWN-NOSE, BUSTER. Sakura: Me too! Jason: We get lots in common, don't we? Sakura: Yeah!Odd coincidence, isn't it? Give them some contrast, why doncha? It makes it more believable. (Just then, two people wearing black cloaks come running up. They bear the numbers 13 and 14 on their foreheads and carry Duel Discs. They are from the Dark Signer group, but they are the minor league ones)Wait wait wait, hold on. So there's major and minor league baddies. What, do they have to get properly registered before gooning up the place. Their outfit screams "EVIL EVIL EVIL" too. Make it more subtle. [NOTE: Dark Signer 13 uses a Zombie-type Deck and Dark Signer 14 uses an Evil Hero deck]Hey, we're smart; we can probably figure that out later on our own.-----------------------------DS13: Hey you fools, halt! Sakura: What the heck is this? Jason: I don't know, Saku, but let's get rid of themYeah! I mean, what can two measly prepubescents do against adults? Perish the thought! DS14: Ha ha, mortals! To get rid of us, you must fight us in a duel! To defeat the evil Dark Signers!I repeat, subtle. These guys are going nowhere fast. Jason: You idiots are...Dark Signers! Sh*t, I'll destroy you myself if I have to!The mood whiplash in that sentence makes my head hurt. DS13: Bah ha ha, you....to defeat us! Boy you Signers suck!You make the Signers feel like a worldwide organization. Which they're not, of course. Or are they? (buhm buhm PLOT TWIST) Sakura: Shut up, you pieces of dirt! DS14: You be quiet and fight us in a duel! Sakura: Jason, I hate doing this!And this is the same girl who was so happy about getting children's trading cards earlier. She seems to have split-personalities; she goes from hot (insults) to cold (cowering). Jason: Don't worry, we'll beat these jokers together, then we can resume our date!Sakura: *rolls eyes* Sakura: Yeah!Seriously, is that the only word they know? Can't you give them any other exclamations? Like "good-golly-gosh" for an example. [spoiler=[color=#32CD32]Sorry, I don't review Duels.[/color]]DUEL! ---------Jason: LP8000Sakura: LP8000Dark Signer #13: LP8000Dark Signer #14: LP8000--------- Turn 1 Jason: Signers first and I draw! First I'll summon Elemental Hero Sakura (Itarashi) [ATK 1500/DEF 1200] [spoiler=E-Hero Sakura] Jason: Then I end my turn with 3 face-downs! Sakura: You go, Jason-maru! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Turn 2 DS13: Alright then, I draw! Then I summon Mezuki in Attack Mode [ATK 1700/DEF 800] [spoiler=Mezuki] Then I play Saber of Malice! Whenever the equipped monster attacks a Defending monster, the Defender is destroyed! And last I end! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Turn 3 Sakura: It's my turn and I draw! First I'll summon my Anbu Ninja - Sakura to the field in Attack Mode! [ATK 2050/DEF 1700] [spoiler=Anbu Ninja - Sakura] Now I play the spell: Swords of Revealing Light to stop your Dark Signers from attacking for 3 rounds! DS14: That's bull! Sakura: Call it what you will, I place another face-down and end my turn! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Turn 4 DS14: Alright you fools, I'll end you now! I draw my card and play Dark Fusion! Jason: Hmph, about time some one played Dark Fusion! Haven't seen it for like...forever! DS14: Well here's a surprise! I fuse my Evil Hero Malicious Edge along with my LV6 Great Maju Garzett in my hand to Fusion Summon - Evil Hero Malicious Fiend! [ATK 3500/DEF 2100] [spoiler=The Fusion] + + = Sakura: Jason, that fiend has over 3500 ATK Jason: Yeah all the same to me! I reveal the face-down: Attack Drain! When you Special Summon a monster, that monster's ATK is reduced to 0.Then our monsters have their ATK increased by the Special Summoned monster's ATK. Since Malicious had 3500 points, that means E-Hero Sakura and Anbu Ninja will gain another 3500 ATK. (Elemental Hero Sakura [ATK 5000/DEF 1200])(Anbu Ninja - Sakura [ATK 5550/DEF 1700]) DS14: Aww, screw you! I play Big Shield Gardna in Defense Mode and end my turn (DEF 2600) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Turn 5 Jason: OK then, time to bring these Dark Signers down! I draw card!"Perfect, if I play this right, the Dark shall lose!" Now I play the spell card: Sakura Duplication! This will summon up 2 more Elemental Hero Sakura from my Deck to my field! [ATK 1500]. Then I reveal the face-down Trap: Level 1 Up! to increase 1 of the normal E-Hero Sakura's Level to 5! And next I play the Tuner monster: Blackwing - Gale the Whirlwind (ATK 1300/LV3) [spoiler=Blackwing - Gale] (E-Hero Sakura (LV5) and Blackwing Gale (LV3) begin to glow and disappear into a vortex) [spoiler=Summoning Dragon Chant!] When light combines with the windsThe divine one shall rise and protect the heavensAll evil will be destroyed and the savior dragon glow!Behold my very mark! Synchro Summon! Blue Wind Slayer Dragon! [ATK 3200/DEF 2600] [spoiler-Blue Wind Slayer Dragon] [spoiler=Effect]1 Tuner + 1 or more non-Tuner monsters When you Synchro Summon this card successfully, destroy all monsters your opponent controls. They lose Life Points equal to the combined original ATK of the monsters destroyed. Then you can draw 1 card for every 500 point sof damage. When your monsters battle against your opponent's monsters, they are not destroyed and any damage from the battle is inflicted to your opponent instead. DS13/DS14: Oh no, not the Blue Wind's Slayer! Jason: Yeah that's right! Now watch as my dragon rips apart your monsters and you suffer 3600 damage! DS13: LP4400DS14: LP4400 Sakura: And now to end you, I play the trap card: Whirlwind Clash! Now our monsters attack both of you directly! (5550 + 5000 + 3200 = 13750)! Opponents: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Jason/Sakura: Let's end this (both Jason and Sakura's marks glow)! Monsters, destroy the enemy! (simultaneously) Opponents are knocked to 0 LP! .Jason: And that's game! Sakura: You were right, they were chumps! Jason: Let's resume our trip to Ideal Collectibles, shall we?And then get a puppy! Seriously, this dialogue is stilted and forced. He sounds like a royal snob, too Sakura: You said it, Jason-kun!Random honorifics, especially when used nowhere else = fanboy-ish = BAD. Remove them, or use them everywhere. Jason: Sakura-chan! ----------------------------------- THE END OF CHAPTER 1!THE END OF CHAPTER 1!---------------------------------------Thanks computerwhiz for the comment MSTing is really fun. Seriously, there's little redeeming here. Forced dialogue, ill-defined personalities, idiotic mooks, all duel and no play makes Rinne a sad boy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juuzou Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 lol'd at sakura haruno xD keep it up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weather Report - Stand Posted July 7, 2009 Report Share Posted July 7, 2009 lol'd at sakura haruno xD keep it up Well, if you can keep it up while improving it; please do. Otherwise, I'm just sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flash Flyer - Sakura Posted July 7, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 7, 2009 I did say "WAIT until I finish the 2nd chapter" and it was an opening. Besides, this is my fanfic though. P.S. (TCO) is a trading card site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weather Report - Stand Posted July 7, 2009 Report Share Posted July 7, 2009 But you said not to reply to the CHAPTER, not the story. '~Chapter still in progress, DO NOT COMMENT UNTIL IT IS COMPLETED!~' Or at least that's what we understood. You could have said...'~Chapter still in progress, DO NOT COMMENT ABOUT ANYTHING UNTIL IT IS COMPLETED!~', since the original chapter doesn't SEEM to be protected by this statement. 'Besides, this is my fanfic though.' Well, you CAN still take CRITICISM, can't you? By posting this story, you're up for ratings like EVERY other fan fic in this forum. The least you could do is listen and fix some stuff. Just because you're the Admin doesn't give you the right to ignore us reviewers, who're trying to help you improve your work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flash Flyer - Sakura Posted July 7, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 7, 2009 I kinda messed up the wording and yeah, this was my new one after a while. So anyway, please don't reply to the story until Chapter 2 is finished, ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wizarddeath405 Posted July 7, 2009 Report Share Posted July 7, 2009 i dont get it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flash Flyer - Sakura Posted July 8, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 8, 2009 Well it's just the beginning, I haven't gotten into the main theme yet. And plz read the title before posting, thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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