Shonen Jump™ Posted June 13, 2009 Report Share Posted June 13, 2009 [align=center]This is loosly based on the video game and the series "Pokemon adventures"[spoiler= Chapter 1 Leafeon I choose you] I have grown up in Pallet town for quite some time now and I am now considered too be the best Pokémon trainer in Pallet town. Red slumbered downstairs slowly he put on his red cap dressed in his usual baggy red t-shirt with the print of a white Pokeball on it his jeans old and grey shoving a piece of toast in his mouth Red grabbed his Pokeball looking at the Leafeon inside of the ball. Red yawned walking outside he put on his rucksack and trodded off into the grass. On his way to school on his way he saw his friend Florence trying to catch a Nidoran "come on!" She exclaimed "I’m going to catch you for sure HA!" Florence yelled throwing the Pokeball throwing it with full might. “You’ll never catch a Pokémon like that” Red said casually. “First you have gotta weaken it”. “GO LEAFEON” Red yelled “alright Leafeon, lets hit ‘em with our best moves okay.” The small Leafeon braced itself standing his ground. “alright go! quick attack hit him hard”. Red yelled the Leafeon leaned back standing firm, snorting the Nidoran charged at Leafeon head first. "Hold it, hold it NOW!" Red yelled Leafeon immediately charged knocking the Nidoran sidewards . Nindorian dropped to the ground twitching. “Now for the good ol’ Pokeball” Red casually tossed the Pokeball at the Nidoran the Pokeball clinched shut tight “alright” Red exclaimed I got it”. "I don’t know how many kinds of Pokémon there are out there but I just know I’m going to catch them all" Red claimed scratching his head. Hey Red do you know the Professor? Florence questioned “what you mean that old weirdo” “well they say he knows a lot about Pokémon, "hmm might be worth a try" Red replied smiling heading back toward Pallet town. "Hey what about school Red" Florence yelled waving as Red walked down "there’s always time for school later". Red casually shouted back grinning. "So this is the Professors lab they say he’s a mean old guy so I kept away, but I guess the only place I’ll learn to be a great Pokémon master is here". Red was shaking ringing the doorbell he trembled waiting for a reply... but no one came Red tapped the door; it was open! Red slowly walked in as his mouth dropped open Pokémon books from left to right articles hundreds of Pokémon based items. "W..wow" Red exclaimed surrounded by hundreds of Pokeballs. “You Poke thief” a voice from behind Red exclaimed staring down at him there stood an old Professor in a white lab coat with grey ruffled up hair frowning down at him. “N..no you have it all wrong red” said as he fell onto a big computer hitting buttons with his elbow as he heaped over backward Red thumped down onto the floor as an entire row of Pokeballs opened up releasing several Pokémon. N..No you foolish fool the Professor shouted “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE” "I’m sorry mister I’ll get them all back honest" Red said as he started throwing Pokeballs at the Pokémon scattered running across the lab. (to be continued later on) Please comment because I need to know If this is worth continuing. I know some of these Pokemon are not in Pallet town or in a different region but It makes the story more interesting so please just put up with it. =] [/align] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:Abarai Renji:. Posted June 13, 2009 Report Share Posted June 13, 2009 Please! Place dots at the end of every sentence! It gets really f*cked up otherwise. Great story though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fenrir Posted June 13, 2009 Report Share Posted June 13, 2009 What Kuja said. Also, not to be an ass, but isn't Leafeon a bit major? I mean, usually you start off with something a bit weaker. =/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shonen Jump™ Posted June 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2009 Okay I have tried to put full stops at the end of every sentance I wasnt sure about It so I looked to see how the digimon thread had done it. And yes I know but Red isnt an amature he just lives in pallet town is all ;D thanks for the comments though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fallen Hero Posted June 13, 2009 Report Share Posted June 13, 2009 good story but you've not put speech marks in some places where a person is talking, you've spelt Nidorina wrong and hyper beam on it, that's just overkill. besides that it looks like it could be interesting, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shonen Jump™ Posted June 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2009 *sighs* that took some effort fix'ed sorry I completly new to the fan fic section. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fallen Hero Posted June 13, 2009 Report Share Posted June 13, 2009 it's ok, you just needed to be careful when you do write the fan fics or people won't pay any attention to you if your making too many mistakes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:Abarai Renji:. Posted June 13, 2009 Report Share Posted June 13, 2009 We can see that, but it's always nice to see some new ones trying out their talents here!;) I am practically BORNED in this section, so I've adjusted myself pretty fast. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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