RAEGING D0GKING Posted May 31, 2009 Report Share Posted May 31, 2009 [align=center] Yu-Gi-Oh HXS Hello this is a new Yu-Gi-Oh stroy about a boy called Hade He will have to fight evil spirits and win battles.He doesent know anything about Yu-Gi-Oh until he goes to the Yu-Gi-Oh dimension.In this story I will use real cards and cards that I makeJust to tell you will find out evry ones decks true the story I will tell you one thing that Hade uses a Beast deck. And there will be god cards for this stroy which means I will make them.I hope you enjoy this story Main charactersHade (Male) studentBen (Male) studentRosy (Female) student Thom (Male) student Zakuri (Male) (Older Brother of Thom)Liam (Male)Shyra (Female)Mr.James (Male) (Teacher)Mrs.Mary (Female) (Teacher)Shaman (Male) (He knows everything about Yu-Gi-Oh) [/align] [spoiler=Chapter1]One day Hade was running in the park and then he sees something in the bushes. He looks in the bushes and sees a Golden box he opens it and sees a Dark Hole and he gets sucekd into it. He wakes up and he is somewhere in the woods. He notices that this is nowhere to where he lives. He stars runing everywhere He is trying to find his home but he is out of breath. He sits down on a rock. When he just touches the rock it opens up and Hade sees a Duel Disk and a deck of cards. He doesnt know what this is. He puts on the duel disk and puts in the cards. He draws cards and 1 monster card falls unto the duel disk and boooooooooomFierce Warrior - Puerls is in front of himHe gets a fright and starts running but puerls cathces up with him.Hade gets triped by a rock and falls down. He thinks that its gonna EAT him. But its soul talks to him "Hade I have come with no harm. We have choosen you must duel the evil spirirts to save our world". Hade thinks about it "But i don't know anything about this thing" Puerls sais "This is called Yu-Gi-Oh come with me to Shaman you will learn there" So Hade climed on Puerls back and went off to Shaman. They reached his casstle they went in Shaman came out and askes Puerls "Who is he" Puerls answers back "He is the chosen one to save our dimension" Shaman sais Come into my room Hade i will teach you all about Yu-Gi-Oh. Chapter 2 not done yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAEGING D0GKING Posted May 31, 2009 Author Report Share Posted May 31, 2009 Please comment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAEGING D0GKING Posted May 31, 2009 Author Report Share Posted May 31, 2009 People please commentwho ever gives a nice coment and a good idea for this then they will get a + rep Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAEGING D0GKING Posted May 31, 2009 Author Report Share Posted May 31, 2009 People are Lazy but this chapter 1 isnt so longi need sugestions how to make chapter 2 and if someone has a set can the give it to me for this stroyIf the set is good enough will will get 3 reps Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:Traceur:. Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 hmmm..let see...the story is nice...it's creative...BUT...change your writing style...your sentences are not related...try to connect them little more and put more effort in the details...the sentences are rough...eh i am not good with english so i can't help you with that... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kendo Fish Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 People are LazyI'm not lazy. D: I was just doing other stuff. Anyways, this fic, UNFORTUNATELY, isn't the best. It's too rushed, too disorganized, and too non-descriptive. What does Hade look like? What does the "duel dimension" look like? What EXACTLY is Hade thinking? Why is this story not spell-checked? Hade asks "who is he" (bad grammar alert!) but not why the DOG IS TALKING TO HIM!?!? All in all, fix your grammar, spell-check using Pages on a Mac computer and Microsoft Word on Windows, SLOW IT DOWN and you might develop a story. Just don't make Hade win every single battle he gets into. I hate that. (I don't care if you neg rep me, but if you do I'll neg rep you in return and forever think of you as a n00b who won't accept constructive criticism. So the best you can do is try to revise your story. I'LL HELP YOU if you want me to.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soul Legacy Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 For one, this ff is good, but imnot that attracted by Yu-Gi-Oh! ff's, neither are loads of other people. That is one reason why people didn't post. Another reason is that your writing style doesn't connect the sentences god anough. But i shall be a fan of this fic as it develops. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAEGING D0GKING Posted June 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 Thank to all coments but i'm not good at English unfortunatlyCould anyone help me do this story and help me with Grammer And i don't know where to get good pics for characters can anyone help me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:Traceur:. Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 hmm..search on google...but i think that you don't need the pics...just describe how the characters look... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAEGING D0GKING Posted June 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 I did search on google but nothing good was found Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kendo Fish Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 I can edit the first chapter some, if you'd like. It's an interesting concept, methinks, and I'd like to see it develop, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAEGING D0GKING Posted June 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 Could you rewriTe the story (Kepp it the same except for the Grammer0 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soul Legacy Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 Look, it doesn't matter if you don't know English, the chapters still great ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAEGING D0GKING Posted June 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 Thanks a lotalso do you know where to make your own cool character like Fuzzie did in his story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAEGING D0GKING Posted June 3, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 Any more votescan anyone thix my grammer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAEGING D0GKING Posted June 4, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 4, 2009 Anymore commentsI would like some Grammer help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elementalherosmash Posted June 6, 2009 Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 Nice Fan Ficyes theres is a lot of gramer to fix Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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