Jump to content

Your new world - 4th Chapter is out


Cyber Altair

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 115
  • Created
  • Last Reply

I like chapter 2' date=' and to some extent, chapter 3.

 

^^; But at this point, I'd rather you change that character's name from Zexaeon to something else. Sorry, but it's a bit misrepresenting of me. =o Both in real life and in the internet personas I use, I've never been a big, muscley person. I also don't care for swords. Lastly, that character seems like your typical, brawny, bumbling, idiot (especially with how he talks. I never talk like that, and hardly ever raise my voice).

 

=p So I'm fine and all, but if that's what my character is like, I'd rather not be in it. Good read,though, and it's a vast improvement from chapter 1.

[/quote']

 

You only appeared in a fight.

 

How did you come to the conclusion your an idiot?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

._. Because I screamed - SCREAMED - "How can he be so strong? He's just a noob!"

 

^^; Yeah, sorry, but that's just not me. And I'll reiterate that I'm not the type to be a large, muscley, sword-wielder.

 

Anyway, like I said, I'm fine with the fic, I'd just rather have my name taken off of that character.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I did like it' date=' but I'm gonna agree with Zex.

 

He's much more of a schemer. xD

 

(For the most part, almost everyone in the Organization would be like that. Except Zaraki.)

[/quote']

 

Agreed, which is exactly how we rose to power so fast. Also, since noone else did, and even though it is kind of late.

 

Thread's virginity has been claimed...

 

Do I really want this thread's virginity though?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@Altair: ._. Be that as it may, I just don't feel that character represents me at all. But, then again, you ARE the author. If you want to keep his name as Zexaeon, go ahead. =p I'll just run each chapter through a substitution that'll change every "Zexaeon" to like, Steve or something when I read it. xD

Link to comment
Share on other sites

lol.

 

Trust me the character will fit you.

 

Also nothing wrong in screaming right?

 

Agreed' date=' which is exactly how we rose to power so fast. Also, since noone else did, and even though it is kind of late.

 

Thread's virginity has been claimed...

 

Do I really want this thread's virginity though?

[/quote']

 

It's virginity was lost way before you posted.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Except it's out of character.

 

Let's follow that logic through a test drive.

 

Why not let Larxene be a guy? It's just a gender, nothing wrong with it.

 

Why not let Zaraki be a pasifist? It's just his bloodlust, his charecter will still fit him.

 

Why not make me a Juggernaut? It's just a skill swap of intellect to brawn, it will still fit. (incidentally Zexaeon clearly went through a similar change except that you put allot of the skill not into brawn, but in Badass Degeneration)

 

Why not make Alucard not a vampire, but a whiny goth who thinks he is? It's just his dignity, he won't mind.

 

Why not make Nexis over powered and potentially a God Mode Sue? Oh, wait, never mind, you already did that.

 

Note that the fact that I read this means that I am not pointlessly insulting you, I am being a critic, a sarcastic critic.

 

Or a demon.

 

Whatever works.

 

Oh yeah, it never lost it's virginity, that's just wishful thinking, threads can't have sex.

 

Or at least this one can't.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My criticisms

 

1. As mentioned before, Zexy's persona doesn't match the real Zexy very well at all.

2. Nexis was already god mode, and now he gets some super artifact randomly? The ring is either going to be a chekhov's gun or it's just going to make him even more overpowered right away.

3. I can't really see Claire being surprised. Nothing really seems to phase her.

4. Claire knocking someone out doesn't strike me as her at all. She'd probably just stroll through the battle field, casually throwing her knives at everyone in her path.

5. The dialogue just strikes me as weak. Sorry.

 

Unless there's some huge convoluted plot going on behind the scenes, this is probably just going to turn out like this:

Nexis obliterates everything easily, because he's a God Mode Sue. Afterward, to no-one's surprise, he'll be revealed as The Chosen One. Then he'll obliterate more stuff. Then either Altair will be his father, or Altair will turn out to be the real villain who manipulated him into obliterating everything for some enigmatic plan (or both). The ring will probably be used by Altair to freeze/weaken/force Nexis (hence, fulfilling its role as a chekhov's gun) to obey him etc during their final showdown. But, through some deus ex machina hidden power that Nexis just happens to awaken at that moment, he'll break free, win, and go on to rule YCM, get the love interest, etc. I predict a slight chance of a Xanatos Gambit being involved, but, through either a Chekhov's gun or a deus ex machina, Nexis will take a 3rd option and the plot will move on.

 

But who knows, maybe it will turn out to be a really good story. I'll still be reading it to see what happens either way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sorry but we don't comment on speculations and rumors.

 

I will state that although your thinking might have some truth in them what I am after is completely different.

 

Also I'm afraid that I haven't made this clear but everything you see is behind the curtains of the land meaning without the ability to be strong and defend yourself/stay hidden your account can get terminated (banned).

 

Also Nexis is no God Mod Sue. Beating two people is no proof.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...