My first Fan Fic

[Lil Lucrae]

Well, this is my first fan fic i do not have a name for it yet and chapter 1 is not completely done.

 

[spoiler=Chapter 1]It was the first day of summer my SISTER was getting married to the Kings brother. But it wasn’t all bad the good parts were she was moving out and I got invited to a masked ball, surely there would be some good duelists there, and I had just got my new deck.

It had some of the newest and most rare cards ever, such as: Death Grimlin, Black Obilisc Dragon, Assassins Apprentice(Dark), and other ultimate rare cards.

But any way this would be good practice dueling, and what do you know I might get some new and rare cards, but I was just happy my sister was moving out. Although after a month or so after she did I missed her but I’m getting way ahead of myself.

 

Well, it was only a week before the masked ball. I couldn’t wait, that’s when it happened. The door bell rang, I went to see who it was. To my surprise it was Yugi , one of the oldest duelers in the book. He asked me if I wanted to spend next week with him, that’s when he was going to the championships. The championships would help my reputation a ton, but I knew I had to say no or my Mom would so we made a plan; I would go to the ball for a little bit then I would sneak out and go to the championships and be back before they noticed.

Well, it was the week of the ball and the championships. Everyone at the ball had a duel disk even the king himself had one, the only person who didn’t have one was my Mom. The King had givin my sister one also. She had become a great duelist the year before she met the King’s brother, Mom had givin her Dad’s old deck.Dad had died at war, in the soldiers spare time they held duels, Dad had built a deck out of cards people had givin him when he was shot down they sent his deck to us.So she battles with it.

 

The king had asked me earlier that day if I wanted to battle him, of course this would help my rep even more so I said yes. Now it was time for the battle.

 

King:"I'll play my first card face down", "I end my turn."

Eric:"Very well then," "I play Black Obilisc Dragon"Atk/3000 Def/4000 "I end my turn."

King:"I'll play Disturbed Grimlin," ATK/2000 DEF/1050"Attack mode"

"I end my turn."

Eric:"I scarifice Black Obilisc Dragon, and play Death Grimlin..." ATK/2000 DEF/3000

The King cuts Eric off "So you also play Grimlins?"

Eric:"Actualy I play a mixed deck.", "I end my turn."

King:"I attack Death Grimlin Destroying Disturbed Grimlin", "I will now play my face down card, MONSTER REBORN, I bring back Disturbed Grimlin.", "I end my turn."

Eric:"I play Master Dark Hole, destroying all cards on the feild including mine.", "I play Instant attack, Allowing me to play any card on my feild at any time.", "Therefor I play Assassins Apprentice(Dark)"ATK/8990 DEF/8990, "and I attack you directly"

 

King LP:26,010 Cards Destroyed:1

Graveyard:1 Feild:1

Eric LP:35,000 Cards Destroyed:3

Graveyard:3 Feild:3

 

King:"Good move but not very smart, I play Gate Way To Gorgon allowing me to destroy any card I want.", I destroy Death Grimlin, taking my life points down to 25,910", "I play Grimlin Controller allowing me to control any of your cards", "I control, and attack you with Assassins Apprentice(Dark)", "I end My turn."

 

King LP:25,910 Cards Destroyed:2

Graveyard:2 Feild:2

Eric LP:26,010 Cards Destroyed:3

Graveyard:3 Feild:3

 

Eric:"I play Life Points Detication", "Taking 1,000 of your life points and adding them to mine.", "I end my turn."

 

King LP:24,910

Eric LP:27,010

 

King:"I sacrifice 4,000 Life Points, to bring out Black Destroya Goblin" ATK/100,000 Def/100,000, "I play Grave Yard Swap, swapping our graveyards, then I play The Ghost Card allowing me to take any card out of the graveyard I have, I bring back Master Dark Hole, I destroy all cards on the feild!!!", "I attack you directly with Black Destroya Goblin!!!"

 

 

King LP:20,910

Eric LP:-72,990

 

King "Good game Eric, better luck next time."

Eric "Thank you Dear King, I must be going now."

 

[Mysty]

These cards are WAY too powerful and unrealistic. Plot-wise it looks like it will be good, but you need to learn a few things about dueling first.

[RyanAtlus]

These cards are WAY too powerful and unrealistic.

You need to learn a few things about dueling first.

 

^

[Felix]

Stupid. You don't know how to play the game so why are you making a Fic?

[RyanAtlus]

Stupid. You don't know how to play the game so why are you making a Fic?

 

I didn't even notice that. I stopped reading after I saw a monster having ATK which wasn't in multiples of 50.

[Øverek357Ø]

hey people it's his first one if you are going to be mean to him do somewhere i am not dumb@@$

[Phantom Roxas]

I understand this is your first Fan Fic, but there are still some things you need to know.

 

1) Script-speak is bad, seriously.

2) Plot was way too rushed, and the seemingly important things were just skimmed over. Why does Eric (Who wasn't named until the duel) have a sister lucky enough to get married to some random king? Why would Yugi randomly show up to said boy and invite him to the championships? I understand why the King would want to duel Eric, since they're going to be brother-in-laws soon, but you didn't really cover that. A lot of things just occurred randomly.

3) Duels start with 8,000 Life Points, not a very random 35,000.

4) A lot of monsters have stats way too high for their level.