Yugioh Fighting Edge,Book 1: Call of darkness Hiatus Ended

[Stigma_Horrizone]

bump

[Stigma_Horrizone]

chapter 14 should be up this week at least

[Weather Report - Stand]

Time for a review. Since I'm starting from the middle of the story, I;m not going to ask about many things I WOULD know if I read the rest.

 

as I promised chapter13!! Make a space between 'chapter' and '13'. Also' date=' capitalize 'as' and 'chapter', and you should probably type 'thirteen' properly. Wow, so many errors before the real story...[/color']

 

[spoiler=Chapter 13 The Combination of Spell and Monsters!]

 

Maju Garzett is on my field with a very high attack point, I'm sure I'll defeat the next one too, also the third one.

 

What's happening? No good mention before the action starts? Not even the look on the opponent's face? Is (crappy) Maju Garzett the ONLY card on the ENTIRE field, or does the opponent have anything? And it should say, 'Maju Garzett is on my field with very high attack points, I'm sure I'll defeat the next monster too, and the one after that!'

 

"I set 1 card!" I declared "Turn End!" Why don't you ever spell the numbers out? That looks much better. And you forgot a period for 'declared'.

 

"My turn!" declared Kevin "Activate, Double Summon! I summon my Aligator Sword, plus my Rocket Warrior!" STOP NOT USING PERIODS! And you're not describing things. Did he make some sort of cool movement as he announced his move? Is he standing up like a pole? BO-RIN'.

 

2 monsters appeared at Kevin's side, one is a humanoid lizard, sword in hand, the other one is a green rocket, transformed into a human warrior.

(Both 1500) SPELL NUMBERS!! But at least you described how THEY look.

 

"Next" continued Kevin "The spell Graceful Charity, "I draw three and discard my Strike Ninja and Discarded Magnum." He said, drawing three cards from the top of his deck, he then selected 2 new cards and tossed them into the graveyard zone on the duel disk. Why did you decide to skimp out on grammar every paragraph(or almost all)? And in the second sentence you had THREE quotation marks. That's a LITTLE WEIRD. And why do you make new paragraph so quickly?

 

"I end my turn, by activating Swords of Revealing Light!" concluded Kevin.

 

Energy swords rained down and frozen Maju Garzett.I'm screwed!! You know, when you think, you use italics. That makes this easier to read.

 

"My turn!" I declared, "Like you, I activate my Graceful Charity! I send Quillbolt Hedgechog and Tunningware into the Grave! Next I summon Junk Synchron, and I revive Hedgechog by it's effect and summon Tunningwareback!" Why don't we see the effects of spell cards? That makes it look cooler.

 

A orange monster appeared beside me, his side stood a grayish warrior, along with a mouse, bolts and screws on his back. Crappy description.

 

"Level 3 Junk Synchron! Level 1 Tunningware! Level 2 Quillbolt Hedgechog! Synchronize, into Goyo Guardian!" Okay.

 

All my monsters merged into energy orbs, Junk synchron broke down and they all transformed into a warrior, wearing a samurai suit.(ATK 2800) Crappy description.

 

"I end my turn!" I said. Didn't need new paragraph.

 

"My turn!" My opponent said, his grinned."Activate Raigeki!" How cheap. Wow.

 

Bolts of thunder striked my monsters all of them vapourized. Crap grammar.

 

"Also Discarded Magnum revives in the second turn after he's discarded!"

said Kevin.(ATK 1200) "I attack with Magnum and Aligator Sword!" Okay, maybe. But what did the attacks look like?

 

I took masive Damage.(LP 0 ) Well, of course.

 

"Since my battle phase haven't end yet, I attack the next duelist right away, with Rocket Warrior!" declared Kevin."I'll just set 1 card to end." Only I'm confused here. Why is the guy called Joey? COINCIDENCE?!

 

Joey

 

Damn my lifepoints fell to 500, and the impact from the attack wounded me. I have to end this Duel now, I thought, or admit defeat, but even if I summon a monster this turn, it'll only last one blast. Then I noticed a card in my Deck, glowing. USE ITALICS MORE OFTEN!!

 

"My turn!" I said, the card I drew stopped glowing, then I noticed what it is, "I activate Polymerization! Okay.

 

"Here it comes, Necro-Dark Dragon and Firebird Lupia, combine! The Wings from the Hell will soar through the shadows! Infinite energy Burns in! Fusion Summon! Show Yourself , Doom Phoenix-Avatar of Death!" Actually, that's cool.

 

 

"What the!" No no, YOU mean 'What the?!'

 

"Next, I equip him with Boiling Blade - Dual Stinger !" I continued.

 

 

My monster's attack points raised.(ATK 2500)

 

"Also! I activate Pot of Greed! I draw 2 cards, also Book of Moon to switch Phoenix into defense! Finaly, Trap Booster and Zero Gravity!"

I said, my phoenix evaded the effects of Zero Gravity, while Kevin's monsters switched position."I attack Magnum! Necro Flameblast."

 

The arch on Phoenix's back generate black flames that got to my whole monster's body, Phoenix flew towards Magnum, his claws aiming towards him. Cool attacks, but still, description lacking here.

 

An explosion occured, my opponent's attack fell (LP 2000+800-2500=300)."Also!" I said "I can destroy a monster in defense, I choose Rocket Warrior! Velocity Sabre!" Rocket Warrior exploded. Yay?

 

"I end!" I said, more confident than ever.

 

 

 

Why was that chapter so short? Why were you lacking in so much description?

You should've talked about reactions on people's faces after big moves. That would've been cool. And you need to double-check all of your work. Yo made several errors here. I don't really like this story much, MOSTLY BECAUSE THIS AND SEVERAL OTHER CHAPTERS I SAW WERE TOO SHORT TO ENJOY. So, let's review:

FIX:

Spelling

Grammar

Length

Detail

Number Spelling Outness

[Stigma_Horrizone]

bump

[RyanAtlus]

Hey!

I've read chapters 1-10, and this is what I've noticed.

-In chapter 3, Kaiba should've equipped Megamorpgh before attacking.

-In chapter 8, the Tuner Monster has got 2 types, and Yusei activated a Trap from his hand.

 

I must say that this fic looks a lot like legendhiro's, but he's good so I don't care. Prevent using 'simple' cards like Axe of Despair and Double Summon.

Good Luck with the rest!

[Stigma_Horrizone]

thx for comments

[Stigma_Horrizone]

new chapter this Sunday(Southeast Asia time)

[Stigma_Horrizone]

Hey!

I've read chapters 1-10' date=' and this is what I've noticed.

-In chapter 3, Kaiba should've equipped Megamorpgh before attacking.

-In chapter 8, the Tuner Monster has got 2 types, and Yusei activated a Trap from his hand.

 

I must say that this fic looks a lot like legendhiro's, but he's good so I don't care. Prevent using 'simple' cards like Axe of Despair and Double Summon.

Good Luck with the rest!

[/quote']

 

I intended the monster to have two type at once

[Stigma_Horrizone]

Sorry for the long Wait, Chapter fourteen now up!

 

[spoiler=Chapter Fourteen]

Breakdown, Light versus Dark!

 

My 'Phoenix' is the current monster with the highest ATK on the field, equipped with 'Boiling Blade' it flew back to my side right after the attack; I was left with just a chunk of Life points.

 

I checked my opponent's side of the field, it's empty. He seems calm, he only has 300 Life points, but something tells me he is hiding something behind that calm face of his.

 

"My turn." He declared " Draw!" A wide smirk went across his face " I Summon 'Walmeil Cyber the Electron Sage' in Attack mode!"

 

A monster about a quarter of my height appeared on my opponent's side, formed by water, the semi-penetratable membrane grew around him, giving it form, yellowish alloy formed around it's arm, making it have a robotic look.(ATK 1800)

 

"I attack directly! 'Walmiel' Thunder Ring of Punishment!!" Declared Kevin. Walmiel flew into the air, sending several ripples of yellow energy rings, slashing me as they struck. I crouched, the pain was unbearable

 

"I end my turn!" declared Kevin "After activating Walmeil's effect." I glanced at him as he spoke, "I gain Life points equal to one of my opponent's monsters." (LP 2300)

 

'Walmeil sucked 'Doom Phoenix's energy and formed it into a ring, sending it to Kevin as fractal codes, Kevin smiled as his life points went higher. Everything went dim then, I cannot feel my body. In a second, everything seems to fade away. (LP 500-1800=0)

 

Max

Joey fell down as I stood up to replace her; I took my deck from my deck box. Loading it into my Duel-disk. It glowed violet-black. I took a deep breath before heading off. (LP: 2000)

 

I drew my opening hand, it contained some low leveled monster."I summon my favorite card! 'Dark Soul Joker'." I placed the card on my Duel-disk's Monster card Zone. Violet colored smoke appeared all around me, solidifying into a four-legged skeleton with a Mexican hat and a clowns face, acidic green drools dripped from its lower fangs. White bones formed armor and attached to it, the rest of the smoke transformed into black fur. (ATK 1400)

 

 

"Up next! I equip it with 'Sword of Deep Seated!" I continued, Kevin stayed silent all this time. "As well as 'Junk Barrage'!" Joker stood up on two foot, grabbing a dark violet sword with its right arm ' Junk Barrage's card hologram then released vermilion aura that covers 'Joker'. Joker laughed manically! (ATK 1900)

 

Kevin gasped, knowing what'll happening, I smirked "I attack with 'Joker' Deep Seated Slash!!!!" I declared. Joker leapt right in front of Walmeil, slashing off its robotic arm, it exploded into bits, and the impact blew a portion of Kevin's hood away, along with a slightly burnt hand. (LP 2300-1900-900+1800=1300)

 

"I end my turn by setting 2 cards!" I declared, two card holograms appeared next to me. I smirked.

 

"My turn, Draw!” Kevin smirked “I’ll start by summoning ‘Walmeil’ with ‘Monster Reborn!”Kevin inserted his newly drawn card into his Spell/Trap card zone. Through a portal from the card hologram, outcomes ‘Walmeil’ in its attack stance. “I tribute ‘Walmeil’ to the ‘Thunder God; the one that can control thunder strikes, Come to me, Zaborg the Thunder Monarch!”

Thunderclouds begin to form above us, crackling lightning bolts danced around us, all concentrated into one single spot, the biggest of them all struck first, revealing a white armor clad humanoid figure, thunderbolts in both arms.(ATK 2400)

 

“I activate its effect! Zaborg, Wave of Destruction!” Zaborg released shockwaves right at ‘Joker’; Joker got incinerated by the crackling energy. “You’re wide open!” said Kevin, a giant smirk got across his face at the same time.

 

“Not really!” I replied. ‘Joker’ survived the blast, still smiling manically.

 

“But how!?” asked Kevin.

 

“Before you even noticed I activated this card!” Kevin gasped as I show him the card “Fiendish Chain!”

Zaborg’s whole body is locked to the ground by chains, it is left motionless. “Damn! I end my turn!”

 

I continued by turn as usual “Draw!” I declared, “I summon Dark Soul Skull-Shredder!” A body of decaying dead bodies rose beside Joker, its mask is a little Skull like face with tattoos on it. It made an attack stance. (ATK 1000)

 

“Since I have only 3 cards in my hand, Skull-Shredder’s effect kicks in!” I declared. Skull-Shredder released a dark violet aura that enveloped the vermilion aura, Joker laughed again. (ATK 1900+400=2300)

 

“Joker attacks directly by his effect! Deep seated Slash!” Joker disappeared like magic, then he appeared behind Kevin, Slashing him, his cloak fell off, his whole body disappeared. (LP 0)

The last duelist stepped up, he unrevealed himself, a head of white-blondish hair, a jagged criminal mark at hiss left face, and I gasped. “Greetings, I am Tony, Wielder of the Light Soul!!

 

“My move, I start with the field spell, ‘Sky Fortress - Silver Glory’!” In a flash, we’re floating in mid-air; a giant golden walled castle appeared below us. “Now, my monsters gain ATK for each Light Soul Monsters that have been destroyed!”

 

I fell silent This guy’s a mere image of myself, his deck is a copy of mine!

 

“I’ll Summon Light Soul Knight!” out of nowhere, a bolt of thunder struck, the smoke from it cleared, revealing a yellow armor clad warrior, two blaster/daggers in hand, he back flipped, stopping at his master’s side (ATK 2300)

 

 

I didn’t care at the first time, because both our monster’s attack points’ the same.

 

“I attack your ‘Shredder’! ‘Knight’, use Particle Burst Stream!” declared Tony “Knight has a special effect, when he attacks an opponent’s monster, his ATK raises by three-hundred points!” Knight’s ATK raised as his beam attack charged further. (ATK 2600)

 

“Reveal trap! ‘Draining Shield’!” I declared. An invisible barrier converted the blast into life force; I felt better than before “I now gain twenty-six hundred life points!” (LP 4600)

 

“You’re good!” said Tony “But not good enough! I set 4 cards and end my turn!” four card holograms appeared side by side opposite me and behind ‘Light soul Knight’.

 

I knew exactly what he meant, I swallowed.

 

 

 

 

[Stigma_Horrizone]

New Characters Data added:

 

[spoiler=Character Guidebook 2]

Name: Joey 'Joycelyn' Namikaze

 

Age : Book 1:14/ Book 2 :15/ Book 3:15/ Book 4 and onwards 16

 

Gender: Female

 

Decks: Necro-Fire Phoenix-Book 1 and 2 / Mad Rock Phoenix-Book 4 and onwards

 

Appearance: She has an almost emerald green hair, acompanied with a ponytail at the back, she usualy wears a white T with a blue emblem on it, accompanied with blue jeans.

 

Bio: Her dad's Japanese while her mother's an American, she moved to Japan during the Fortune Cup storyline in the 5D's series, and moved back after the Dark Signer's Arc. She's an extremely capable duelist on her own, often using beatdown to cover her true strategy, she usualy chooses to end the duel fast as her deck is more focused on speed, she is lass active in Book 3 only making a cameo in Book 3 Chapter 1. She has a slight 'thing' with Max.

 

 

[Stigma_Horrizone]

Bump!!!

[Des ＨＥＲＯ]

I've decided to make a character here when I saw it.Since it is a great fan fic.

 

[spoiler=My character]

Name: Destruct.

Age: 37.

Good or bad: thought to be Bad but Good.

Deck: Destiny Heroes and Neo Destiny Heroes(Im Working On)

Card list: I'll pm it to you later.

Combos: most common is that when he has clock tower prison with 4 counter's he would destroy it to special summon dread master and 2 other destiny heroes, then he would use the 3 monster's if dread master is weaker than his opponant's monster in a tribute to summon an power destiny hero like plasma or dogma.Other possible stratagy.

Apperance: he wear's a dark grey cape with gloves, he has brown long trouser's along with a golden glassses.He carries a multy colour bag that holds tons of trophies.

Bio: an powerful duelist known as a elite pro duelist.Infact, he was 2nd place in the 2003 of the grand championships that had million's of people entering.He became 2nd place because he dissappered during the finals.Therefore, he never entered a tournement again and yet he wasn't seen until 7 year's after the championships.He still remain's undefeated searching for something that he cannot tell.

 

 

[Stigma_Horrizone]

I've decided to make a character here when I saw it.Since it is a great fan fic.

 

[spoiler=My character]

Name: Destruct.

Age: 37.

Good or bad: thought to be Bad but Good.

Deck: Destiny Heroes and Neo Destiny Heroes(Im Working On)

Card list: I'll pm it to you later.

Combos: most common is that when he has clock tower prison with 4 counter's he would destroy it to special summon dread master and 2 other destiny heroes' date=' then he would use the 3 monster's if dread master is weaker than his opponant's monster in a tribute to summon an power destiny hero like plasma or dogma.Other possible stratagy.

Apperance: he wear's a dark grey cape with gloves, he has brown long trouser's along with a golden glassses.He carries a multy colour bag that holds tons of trophies.

Bio: an powerful duelist known as a elite pro duelist.Infact, he was 2nd place in the 2003 of the grand championships that had million's of people entering.He became 2nd place because he dissappered during the finals.Therefore, he never entered a tournement again and yet he wasn't seen until 7 year's after the championships.He still remain's undefeated searching for something that he cannot tell.

 

 

[/quote']

Accepted!!!

[.:Traceur:.]

hmm..it's ok...

you could describe little more...

and make the conservations more interesting...IMO

continue with the work..

[Stigma_Horrizone]

Thx

[Stigma_Horrizone]

sorry guys, I've been a little busy to write the next chapter, so please expect the next chapter to be a little late!

[Stigma_Horrizone]

bump, the next 2 chapters wont show up as early as i thought

[Stigma_Horrizone]

bump

[Des ＨＥＲＯ]

Ok good luck with your next chapter.

[Stigma_Horrizone]

i can say that your character's gonna appear real soon in book 2, but before that, i gonna prepare for my the writing contest tomorrow, which is a lil bit easy for fic writers

[Stigma_Horrizone]

expect the next chapter to be up soon

[Stigma_Horrizone]

Sry that this took much time........

 

[spoiler=Chapter Fifteen]

Broken Seal, the Innovation Starts

 

I was on the field and the one with the advantage now, I glared at my Life point gauge.4300 Life points, plenty enough for me to win this duel I then noticed his four facedown Spell/Trap cards, I focused my energy and entered my draw phase.

 

"My move!" I declared, "From my Extra Deck, I activate Dark Soul Origin’s effect, by sending the Synchro Materials from my hand to the graveyard, I can Special Summon it, I send my Level 3 Junk Synchron and my Level 5 Dark Soul Samurai Lady as the materials!"

 

 

"Clustering Darkness Calls Upon A New Life! Let the Darkness Within Get Released! Synchro Summon! Be Born, Dark Soul Origin!" I watched as Junk Synchron and Dark Soul Samurai Lady's holograms fade away, thick smog covered the whole field. From the inside, darkened level stars bursted out, reforming into a dog-dragon like creature, its body is covered with a layer of gold armor, it extended its blade like winds, and its wingtips are decorated with ambers.

 

 

Lore: 1 "Dark Soul" Tuner Monster + 2 or more "Dark soul" non-Tuner Monster

This card can be Synchro Summoned by sending the Synchro Material Monsters from your hand to the Graveyard. This Synchro Summon cannot be negated by Spell, Trap or Monster effect(s). When this card is successfully Synchro Summoned, you can select and destroy a number of cards on the field up to the total level of non-Tuner monsters used as Synchro Material for the Synchro Summon of this card. This card cannot attack on the turn it’s summoned. Once per turn, if this card would be destroyed by battle, it is not destroyed. All monsters your opponent controls must attack this monster, if able. When this card destroys an opponent's monster and sends it to the Graveyard, inflict damage to your opponent equal to half the destroyed monster's ATK. Then, inflict 300 damage to your opponent for each card in your opponent's hand.

 

 

That's when I felt a throbbing pain over my arm."Dark Soul Origin’s effect activates!" I declared, "This card has the ability to destroy anything in its path!"

 

Tony gasped.

 

"That's right! Dark Soul Origin’s effect, Wave Force-Dark Burst!" A wave of energy washed through the whole field, I destroy all your face downs as well as one of mine!" all our facedown cards flipped opened, before it's destroyed.

 

"I attack your Knight!" I commanded "Origin! The one beast that’s Darker than Black! Obliterate him, Grave Force!"

 

Origin streamed through Light Soul Knight, Ripping it apart in just a split second.

 

Tony crouched as he can't withstand the impact (LP 2000-3200+2600-1300=100)

 

"If you want to know! Declared Tony "You just destroyed my ‘Life Switch’, when this card is removed from the field; we both exchange our Life Points!”

The card hologram of ‘Life Switch’ released two streams of energy, linking to Tony and me on both sides. I felt my life force being drained, I fell to my knees, and everything’s going dim. (Max LP: 100 | Tony LP: 4300)

 

I barely stood up, going with everything I‘ve got “Joker and Shredder attacks!”

 

(Tony’s LP: 4300-2300-1000=1000)

 

‘Shredder’ leapt on top of ‘Joker’, using it as a catapult,it shot itself towards Tony, followed by ‘Joker'.

 

“I end my turn!” I shouted, the pain on my arm extended itself to the other parts of my body, there's a flash, as I find myself in a different dimmension, everything's black, as if there's nothing, I was drifting there.

 

The whole place seemed calm, I stepped on to the solid ground (even if it's not there), blue marks started to appear from my left arm, the pain and aches from the duel dissapeared, I fell like as if I was reborn.

 

There was a voice that's resonating in my head, "You've awakened, fellow innovator." six humanoid figures appeared around me, each posing a different aura that covers their body, they possesses the same marks on their body as I do. "For our sake, we're not able to do that in the past, you're the one that can complete the seal now."

 

"Hey wait, what're you talking about!" I took a step forward, but before I can reach them, I returned to the duel.

 

"My turn!" declared Tony, He seems to notice my left arm. "So, you're the one that has innovated huh!" he said in a sarcastic tone "Lets see what can you do! Mister Innovator! I summon, Saint Soul Angel!"

 

 

I bolt of lightning strikes right beside Tony, when the smoke cleared, a gold armor plated angel appeared beside him, a blueish hue covered it up. (DEF 1200) 'I Continue my turn, by activating a card effect from my grave! Shift Return . Soul Burst activate!"

 

 

A semi-transparent card appeared beside Tony."Along with this card, I can summon a level-six Monster!" He declared. " Come to me! The Fiend Megacyber!" A yellow armor clad warrior appeared in crackling violet static, violet aura covered lightning covered the warrior's right fist.(ATK 2200)

 

"I tune my level 6 Megacyber to my Level 3 Angel." Shouted Tony "Synchro summon, Saint Soul Orgin!"

 

 

A giant beam of energy shot past the whole field, from the sky, the huge bole monster appeared, it's shaped like a 'Kirin', lightning runs through the whole yellow armor, making the whole thing alive. (ATK 3000)

 

[spoiler=]

lore: "Saint Soul" Tuner Monster + 1 or more "Saint soul" non-Tuner Monster

This card can be Synchro Summoned by sending the Synchro Material Monsters from your hand to the Graveyard. This Synchro Summon cannot be negated by Spell, Trap or Monster effect(s). When this card is successfully Synchro Summoned, you can select and draw cards up to the total level of non-Tuner monsters used as Synchro Material for the Synchro Summon of this card. This card cannot attack on the turn it’s summoned.Once per turn, if this card would be destroyed by battle, it is not destroyed. All monsters your opponent controls must attack this monster, if able. When this card is removed from the field, return all cards on both players side of the field to their owners decks. Once per turn, by sending a card on your side of the field, negate all effect damage, or an effect(s) that destroys cards on the field until the End Phase.

 

 

 

"I end my turn!" declared Tony " By attacking your sorry Dark soul Joker!"

 

"Trap! Negate Attack!" Saint Soul Origin shot himself like a living bullet directly at Joker, but was repeled by an invisible barrier 'Saint Soul Origin bounced back and landed on it's feet beside Tony.

 

"My move!" said me, in a serious tone that I sometimes do "I equip "Dark Soul Blade I - Earthbound Cleaver" to my Dark Soul Joker!"

 

A giant sword grew from the ground, blue flames surrounded the tip of the blade, Joker grabbed it with his other arm and laughed again, the expression of bloodlust appeared on his face.

 

"This card!" I explained, "drags all attacks launched to my side to it, along with my Origin's Effect, you can't attack!"

 

Tony stared at me, his eye even serious than before.

 

"I attack your Origin!" I commanded "With my Origin! Grave Force!"

 

Both Origins leapt towards eachother, Dark Soul Origin shoots itself upwards, leaving trails of dark-violet energy particles, Saint Soul Origin followed it, both clashing again and again, both went head to head at the end of the light beam, the darkness and the light pushed against eachother, for one second, pictures of someone's memory flashed before me, it shows both monsters clashing together and finally sealed into tablets, only to be rediscovered before my duel with Kaiba weeks ago.

 

It looks so familiar, but, I don't reconize any of this..... I thought, there's a big flash, and the outcome is................. unknown as the light remained as both monster colide one last time.

 

I arrived at the place where i previously meet the six person.

 

This place, it's like there's nothing to do with the outside world. The blue tatto like markings dissapeared, I glanced above(?), images of my memories suddenly matterialized around me. I sat down, one of the six persons, the violet aura covered one approached. My deck responded to him.

 

"Thanks for using this deck for good, as for now, I shall grant you the full potential of this deck." said him. He handed over a blank card to me, without thinking I slipped the card into my deck, the duel disk automaticly shuffled.

 

"Thanks, but this card is......" I replied, but before I could finish my talk (again), I got back to the field......the holograms of both cards frozen, I could only wish for the outcome.....

 

 

 

 

[Des ＨＥＲＯ]

Quite an interesting chapter.

[Stigma_Horrizone]

expect the next one to be up later, it's exam week in my school

[Des ＨＥＲＯ]

Im having my exams in 2 Weeks...Good luck with that.