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~The Emerald Chest~


Sailor Gourmet

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Alright, lets see what I can do here...

 

First, I smack shadowgate11 across the face for throwing my chest into the volcano, and then sacrifice him to the great fiery mountain. Accepting it, it settles back into the earth.

 

Now to get serious.

 

Knowing Pitski will regenerate after attempted destruction, I lead him to a a nice cottage in Greece and find him a wife. They soon have a family and lived happily ever after, and I steal the chest out of their living room while they have breakfast.

 

Now, Flandre, you're mine.

 

Summoning a rain cloud, I strike her with a bolt of lightning, paralyzing her momentarily.

I then use supreme knowledge of advanced physics and the government of the United States to build a gravitational condenser right around her. When she comes to, I start to turn on the machine, gradually crushing her. I then decide to call it off all of a sudden, appearing satisfied.

 

Flandre looks at me and attempts to attack me.

I then call in Don Patch on a motorcycle to charge into her, making this a whole distraction. Tumbling over, she gets up to her feet, enraged, but I just sigh and then walk away to sit on a park bench, drinking a nice, black coffee.

Flandre charges at me looking vicious, when I pull out the Cubic Zirconium Chest and throw it at her head.

 

Knowing I only defeated her temporarily, I summon a flying sea turtle to whisk me back to my mountain, where I sit on my chest and my turtle swoops down into the water below.

 

I then sit with my chest, meditating as the sun goes down.

 

My chest.

^^\m/

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*Watching an "I Love Lucy" marathon and looks up*

 

"Aw, man, not again."

 

I hop on my flying sea turtle and fly to where Supercardmaker2 is.

 

"SMASH!"

 

I grab him by the collar, twirl him around, and launch him into Fayaz Rahaman and Yugiohfan79.

 

 

Now, for my brisk bout with Flandre.

 

"Let's go, 59th dimension!"

Instantly, time and space warps and Flandre is stuck lying to the ground, held there by extreme gravitational force. Body switching is impossible. Meanwhile, Death Whisper is enjoying a nice mocha latte when a Chain Chomp comes, eats him, burps out the chest, and expodes.

 

Back in the 59th dimension, Flandre is knocked unconsious and I spit her out of the dimension. I encrust her fists in cement to prevent further clenching. I sit on another park bench, this time with a BLT and an orange juice in my hand, watching people enjoy the day under the nice cool shade of the trees.

 

I then dry clean the chest and take it with me.

I again, put the Cubic Zirconium chest in front of her, filled to the brim with pickled pigs feet, and burnt Yuri comics.

 

"Buckets, lets go home."

My turtle whisks me away to my mountain, where I open War and Peace and smile, my turtle frolicking in the waves below, and the chest gleaming near the fireplace.

 

My chest.

^^;

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Meanwhile, I come back from nonexisting.

Don't ask how, but playing blackjack with Ranmanga was fun, and I let him come out as well.

I allow him to live next door to pitski in Greece with a lovely wive, carving out a living near the beautiful Mediterranean.

 

I race out of the house and see False Hope bolting down the hill.

 

I pelt you with a rubber bouncing ball an you tumble out of sight.

You crash into a man walking down the street and give him a concussion.

For fun, I popped a mallet in your hand while you weren't looking, the police frame you, and take you off to jail.

 

I take the chest and leave to my mountain.

 

My chest.

^^\m/

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