Final Fantasy Revolution Posted April 13, 2009 Report Share Posted April 13, 2009 What!? The Gentleman is a noob to the world of fan fics!?!?!?!? =O! Yes it's true, I thought I'd take a whirl at making a Fan Fic, so I started one. Hope you'll enjoy this prologue and keep a look out for new chapters. [spoiler=Things To Know!]Italics= Thoughts inside the head of each individual character. [spoiler=Prologue]It was a dark night in Liblonk, another capitol city that lies just two hundred miles of Sethane. Everyone always said they were to close, but I digress. Never before have we've had such a blood red sky, ever since the corrupt Demon Lord Baretsu had passed these skys have been getting redder and redder everyday. Little by little Effent's, the planet in which we live, life is coming to an end. We had one spark of hope left, a chance to be free of the Demon Lords curse and it was left with a girl that couldn't defend herself... The woman falls onto the floor, bleeding and confused as to what had just happened. She lies there dead in a pool of her own blood and tears. How could a simple twitch, a simple and slight pulse of the hand muscles, a simple pull of a trigger go so far. That girl was the most important person in this world, the chosen one who would have saved us all, and the only one who could ever relate to me. At least she was, until I messed all that up... Current Chapters:[spoiler=Chapter 1: Influence's of Effent's Past!] Two Hundred Years Earlier The sun, which was shining brightly a few moments ago, was now slowly starting to drift into the darkness that is known as sunset. This feeling mid-day could easily boost either sides morale. On one side stood the bold knights of Effent's, wearing three piece chain mail armor and armed with steel lances and iron swords. They we're being guided by the foolish and greed ridden King Menstrow. For the other side, oh the other side, there stood hundreds and hundred of blood thirsty demons ready to taste the flow of human blood once more. The demons for armor merely had leather or some kind of ragged cloth and they were armed with their superior strength and their claws/teeth. This horribly mannered side was being ruled by the Demon Lord Baretsu. Both sides gave the order to attack simultaneously and the forces collided within moments of the command. "For Effents!" The knights yelled to the opposing side as they kept fighting for their lives. "OUR LORD WILL FEAST ON YOUR HEARTS!" The demons screeched loudly and sinisterly to the pitiful knights of Effents. The war raged on for two days until a small group of knights finally broke through the demonic forces of the demon lord. Most of them perished but three of them managed to make it into the cavern of the Demon Lord Baretsu. They killed his two personal guards, losing one of their comrades in the process, the time finally came to slay the lord himself. In an act of desperation the two knights agreed that one of them would be sacrificed to kill the lord. The two knights ran for Baretsu, one to the left and one to the right, and Baretsu swung both his mighty fists to slam the left knight into the wall. This gave the knight on the right the opening he needed to cut down the beast with one swing of his shining lance. Baretsu fell in defeat and almost death but as soon as his blood was spilled it turned into red gas and started to fade into the sky. "Human fools! Now that I am dead the world is going with me, for every day that I am dead the sky will get redder and redder in pigment until it is blood red. This will take full effect in two hundred years time! EHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! EHAHAHAHA!" Baretsu died laughing at the knight. The knight took of running to warn the king but sadly he never made it back to the castle, leaving the human and the planet of Effent to know anything of the Blood Red Sky... Two Hundred Years Later "Ugh!" A man sitting in a throne room screamed in anger as he tossed a blue book with gold binding at the stone wall. This man was of about medium height and seemed to be portlier they most, he dawned a red cloak and was wearing a suite of gold armor. "Whats wrong my lord." A just as portly but shorter man with red hair and a black robe on said as he knelled to the man in the throne. "I'm the third king to serve the people of Effents and I still cannot find anything about why this sky is so red!" The king said to the man who had just asked him a question. "Yes sire, how long has it been since the sky started to turn red?" The king walked onto his white painted, wooden balcony, and gave out a large sigh before he started speaking. "It'll be two hundred years exactly in three months time. It just seems that little by little that this sky is growing redder and redder." The smaller man walked out onto the balcony to present himself to the king again. "Barnaby!" The king shouted to the small man, who then fell back in fright of the kings voice. "Y-yes sire!" The king gave a smirk at his lowly servant and chuckled slightly. "Send all the messengers, all the rangers, and all the scouts you can find in the area! Tell them to start looking, start looking for someone who knows something about this sky!" Barnaby quickly scrambled to his feet and scurried out of the room while saying over and over again. "Yes sir! Yes sir! Yes sir!" The king walked out of his balcony and sat back in his throne. "Why were my processors so uncaring of this event!" The king shouted as loud as he could... [spoiler=Chapter 2: A hope found?] Days rose, nights fell, and the sky was getting redder and redder. The king was in distress after these seemingly endless days of no results to his cause. “Argh!” He shouted as he collected his strength to tip over his huge marble throne and slide it straight into the gray stone wall of his castle. “Fifteen...fifteen long days with no results, no plans to act, and no solutions to this horrible problem!” The king kept rampaging about his throne room when finally he saw his servant Barnaby rush through the great wooden doors of the kings throne room. Barnaby saw that the king was rampaging about and destroying things, nevertheless he bowed in respect and waited for him to finish. The king, after suppressing his anger, soon realized Barnaby was kneeling to him and waiting for his attention. “Barnaby!” The king shouted to his servant, startling him again just like he had done before. “How dare you let me rage about and not make yourself known!” Barnaby graciously apologized to the king and then bowed to him many times over. “Enough!” The servant stopped and went back to one knee. The king was one of those “never satisfied but always demanding” types of people. “What news do you bring from the search so far Barnaby.” Barnaby raised his head to the king before he spoke as a sign of bringing his attention to his lord. “Well my king it turns out that the demons, of all the foul beasts, are responsible for turning the sky blood red.” The king pondered the information. “Hm, how can that be? They haven't killed our people, nor have they tried to invade our cities for over one hundred years. Explain.” The king said as Barnaby shook his head up and down. “It seems that long ago, in the time of Baretsu and the war of race, the demons had actually started this affliction.” The king looked surprised, yet doubtful by the information that was just presented. “I see, go on.” Barnaby lowered his head. “We captured a demon woman who knows all about the situation but unfortunately she wouldn't tell us anything else...” The king interrupted Barnaby by giving him a subtle kick to the head, making him slide across the room. “Fool! You make her talk, you don't wait for her to responded!” The king said as he marched out of the throne room's big wooden doors and commenced to walk slowly to the dungeon. As the king was walking Barnaby was running to the side of him, huffing and puffing. “Sire! Wait! What do you plan to do!?” The king said nothing and merely pushed Barnaby to the side, as he turned right to walk down into the dungeon. Two guards were guarding the cell and knelled down to him at once. “King Eswroth!” They said simultaneously but the king was in no need of such worshiping now. “Leave.” The two guards were confused and had questions but left King Eswroth as he commanded. “Oh and guard the door, let none pass!” The guards did as they were told and when they left the room they slammed the door shut and guarded it with their life. “It seems you have some information I want girl!” The demon woman had dark blue hair that complemented her all black eyes rather well. She wore nothing but black tattered clothing with some pale and rugged brown leather armor underneath. “I don't need to tell you anything, you useless human scum! Who gives orders to come and attack another race when we've been civil for so many years?!” King Eswroth gave a sinister and dark smirk to the woman. “Civil you say? Then what of this foul blood red sky that you demons are responsible for?” King Eswroth said with complete assurance that he could get her to talk. “Even if that is so, I'd never talk to a man like you!” Persistent little wench she is, but lets not see if I can brake her before dawn. “You talk very disrespectfully for someone who was captured so easily by my hand.” King Eswroth said with a smirk, as he opened the cell door with the turn of a key and a loud slide of the iron gate. He walked slowly to the demon girl and offered her a hand up. She slowly and nervously went to grab King Eswroth's hand, but when she did he smashed his armored fist right across the demon girls face. She hit the wall in pain and gave out a huge scream of detest and anger. “W-what was that!?” Barnaby said as he wanted to go into the dungeon but the guards barded his path. “You don't understand! He'll kill her!” The guards pushed Barnaby back. “None shall pass!” They said as they continued to hear screams of terror from the dungeons old walls. King Eswroth grabbed the woman by the ankle and threw her straight into the wall with a loud bang. “My arm!” She screeched as she started caring for her now broken arm. “Would you like anymore broken bones? Because that's what I'll give you if you don't tell me what you know about this sky.” This guy is serious. He really will kill me if I don't tell him something quick, but if I tell him will he just kill me anyway? Better to play the game for now. The girl thought as she picked herself up from the floor. “When your race killed Baretsu, his blood spilled to the ground and when it did he used his power to make it into a poisonous red gas that went into the atmosphere.” King Eswroth smirked at the cooperation. “Please, continue.” The girl took a step back form King Esworth. “The gas can do powerful things but takes time to react and bond with the atmosphere of the planet. On the two hundredth anniversary of the day he died, all other races aside from demons will be wiped off the planet for good.” The king looked shocked at the information and couldn't believe that this was true. “How the hell can we stop that!?” The girl took yet another step back and was now against the wall of the cell. “You can only stop the poisonous spread by spilling the blood of someone that was connected with Baretsu, but all of his closest got killed in the war...” The demon girl finished her statements and waited for a response. King Eswroth staggered out of the cell and closed it with a soft and subtle clatter. “I may need you later, until then you'll remain here and I expect you to be silent!” The demon girl slid down the wall of the cell and sat in the corner of it and hugged her knees. King Eswroth exited the dungeon and made the guards move from the door. “One of you, down there, the other is to return to their previous post. Understood?” The two saluted and agreed with a yes sir. “Barnaby, you are to come with me.” Barnaby saluted but then stopped as the king started to walk off. “But sir, there is something you should know...” The king stopped him from speaking with a sigh. “Not now Barnaby, I'll need to retire from the day...” The king said, walking into his chamber as the sun began to set like it was waiting for him to decide when. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silent Omega Posted April 13, 2009 Report Share Posted April 13, 2009 It seems great, but what exactly is this fanfic about? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Final Fantasy Revolution Posted April 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 13, 2009 I guess you'll just have to wait and see ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silent Omega Posted April 13, 2009 Report Share Posted April 13, 2009 Alright. I hope this will be your first succesful fanfic ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davok Posted April 13, 2009 Report Share Posted April 13, 2009 I'll review once you finish the prologue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted April 13, 2009 Report Share Posted April 13, 2009 Way too short. 5 sentences does not a prologue make. Flesh it out a bit; this, for now, could be about anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Final Fantasy Revolution Posted April 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2009 [spoiler=Chapter 1: Influence's of Effent's Past!] Two Hundred Years Earlier The sun, which was shining brightly a few moments ago, was now slowly starting to drift into the darkness that is known as sunset. This feeling mid-day could easily boost either sides morale. On one side stood the bold knights of Effent's, wearing three piece chain mail armor and armed with steel lances and iron swords. They we're being guided by the foolish and greed ridden King Menstrow. For the other side, oh the other side, there stood hundreds and hundred of blood thirsty demons ready to taste the flow of human blood once more. The demons for armor merely had leather or some kind of ragged cloth and they were armed with their superior strength and their claws/teeth. This horribly mannered side was being ruled by the Demon Lord Baretsu. Both sides gave the order to attack simultaneously and the forces collided within moments of the command. "For Effents!" The knights yelled to the opposing side as they kept fighting for their lives. "OUR LORD WILL FEAST ON YOUR HEARTS!" The demons screeched loudly and sinisterly to the pitiful knights of Effents. The war raged on for two days until a small group of knights finally broke through the demonic forces of the demon lord. Most of them perished but three of them managed to make it into the cavern of the Demon Lord Baretsu. They killed his two personal guards, losing one of their comrades in the process, the time finally came to slay the lord himself. In an act of desperation the two knights agreed that one of them would be sacrificed to kill the lord. The two knights ran for Baretsu, one to the left and one to the right, and Baretsu swung both his mighty fists to slam the left knight into the wall. This gave the knight on the right the opening he needed to cut down the beast with one swing of his shining lance. Baretsu fell in defeat and almost death but as soon as his blood was spilled it turned into red gas and started to fade into the sky. "Human fools! Now that I am dead the world is going with me, for every day that I am dead the sky will get redder and redder in pigment until it is blood red. This will take full effect in two hundred years time! EHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! EHAHAHAHA!" Baretsu died laughing at the knight. The knight took of running to warn the king but sadly he never made it back to the castle, leaving the human and the planet of Effent to know anything of the Blood Red Sky... Two Hundred Years Later "Ugh!" A man sitting in a throne room screamed in anger as he tossed a blue book with gold binding at the stone wall. This man was of about medium height and seemed to be portlier they most, he dawned a red cloak and was wearing a suite of gold armor. "Whats wrong my lord." A just as portly but shorter man with red hair and a black robe on said as he knelled to the man in the throne. "I'm the third king to serve the people of Effents and I still cannot find anything about why this sky is so red!" The king said to the man who had just asked him a question. "Yes sire, how long has it been since the sky started to turn red?" The king walked onto his white painted, wooden balcony, and gave out a large sigh before he started speaking. "It'll be two hundred years exactly in three months time. It just seems that little by little that this sky is growing redder and redder." The smaller man walked out onto the balcony to present himself to the king again. "Barnaby!" The king shouted to the small man, who then fell back in fright of the kings voice. "Y-yes sire!" The king gave a smirk at his lowly servant and chuckled slightly. "Send all the messengers, all the rangers, and all the scouts you can find in the area! Tell them to start looking, start looking for someone who knows something about this sky!" Barnaby quickly scrambled to his feet and scurried out of the room while saying over and over again. "Yes sir! Yes sir! Yes sir!" The king walked out of his balcony and sat back in his throne. "Why were my processors so uncaring of this event!" The king shouted as loud as he could... I decided to keep this going for as long as I could... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silent Omega Posted April 16, 2009 Report Share Posted April 16, 2009 It seems great, nice idea about the red gas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fenrir Posted April 16, 2009 Report Share Posted April 16, 2009 Interesting. Very interesting. I can't say much else tbh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Final Fantasy Revolution Posted April 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2009 Thank you, it's still in early development Fenrir so I can understand that you can't say much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted April 17, 2009 Report Share Posted April 17, 2009 You have some bad homonyms, like "dawned" instead of "donned", and you put apostrophes in the wrong places. You also have many generic spelling errors; proofread before posting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Final Fantasy Revolution Posted April 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 17, 2009 I did proofread, I'll get someone to edit next time. Everyone makes mistakes though =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted April 17, 2009 Report Share Posted April 17, 2009 I did proofread' date=' I'll get someone to edit next time. Everyone makes mistakes though =)[/quote'] Spellcheck doesn't hit everything, y'know. :3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Final Fantasy Revolution Posted April 25, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 25, 2009 [spoiler=Chapter 2: A hope found?] Days rose, nights fell, and the sky was getting redder and redder. The king was in distress after these seemingly endless days of no results to his cause. “Argh!” He shouted as he collected his strength to tip over his huge marble throne and slide it straight into the gray stone wall of his castle. “Fifteen...fifteen long days with no results, no plans to act, and no solutions to this horrible problem!” The king kept rampaging about his throne room when finally he saw his servant Barnaby rush through the great wooden doors of the kings throne room. Barnaby saw that the king was rampaging about and destroying things, nevertheless he bowed in respect and waited for him to finish. The king, after suppressing his anger, soon realized Barnaby was kneeling to him and waiting for his attention. “Barnaby!” The king shouted to his servant, startling him again just like he had done before. “How dare you let me rage about and not make yourself known!” Barnaby graciously apologized to the king and then bowed to him many times over. “Enough!” The servant stopped and went back to one knee. The king was one of those “never satisfied but always demanding” types of people. “What news do you bring from the search so far Barnaby.” Barnaby raised his head to the king before he spoke as a sign of bringing his attention to his lord. “Well my king it turns out that the demons, of all the foul beasts, are responsible for turning the sky blood red.” The king pondered the information. “Hm, how can that be? They haven't killed our people, nor have they tried to invade our cities for over one hundred years. Explain.” The king said as Barnaby shook his head up and down. “It seems that long ago, in the time of Baretsu and the war of race, the demons had actually started this affliction.” The king looked surprised, yet doubtful by the information that was just presented. “I see, go on.” Barnaby lowered his head. “We captured a demon woman who knows all about the situation but unfortunately she wouldn't tell us anything else...” The king interrupted Barnaby by giving him a subtle kick to the head, making him slide across the room. “Fool! You make her talk, you don't wait for her to responded!” The king said as he marched out of the throne room's big wooden doors and commenced to walk slowly to the dungeon. As the king was walking Barnaby was running to the side of him, huffing and puffing. “Sire! Wait! What do you plan to do!?” The king said nothing and merely pushed Barnaby to the side, as he turned right to walk down into the dungeon. Two guards were guarding the cell and knelled down to him at once. “King Eswroth!” They said simultaneously but the king was in no need of such worshiping now. “Leave.” The two guards were confused and had questions but left King Eswroth as he commanded. “Oh and guard the door, let none pass!” The guards did as they were told and when they left the room they slammed the door shut and guarded it with their life. “It seems you have some information I want girl!” The demon woman had dark blue hair that complemented her all black eyes rather well. She wore nothing but black tattered clothing with some pale and rugged brown leather armor underneath. “I don't need to tell you anything, you useless human scum! Who gives orders to come and attack another race when we've been civil for so many years?!” King Eswroth gave a sinister and dark smirk to the woman. “Civil you say? Then what of this foul blood red sky that you demons are responsible for?” King Eswroth said with complete assurance that he could get her to talk. “Even if that is so, I'd never talk to a man like you!” Persistent little wench she is, but lets not see if I can brake her before dawn. “You talk very disrespectfully for someone who was captured so easily by my hand.” King Eswroth said with a smirk, as he opened the cell door with the turn of a key and a loud slide of the iron gate. He walked slowly to the demon girl and offered her a hand up. She slowly and nervously went to grab King Eswroth's hand, but when she did he smashed his armored fist right across the demon girls face. She hit the wall in pain and gave out a huge scream of detest and anger. “W-what was that!?” Barnaby said as he wanted to go into the dungeon but the guards barded his path. “You don't understand! He'll kill her!” The guards pushed Barnaby back. “None shall pass!” They said as they continued to hear screams of terror from the dungeons old walls. King Eswroth grabbed the woman by the ankle and threw her straight into the wall with a loud bang. “My arm!” She screeched as she started caring for her now broken arm. “Would you like anymore broken bones? Because that's what I'll give you if you don't tell me what you know about this sky.” This guy is serious. He really will kill me if I don't tell him something quick, but if I tell him will he just kill me anyway? Better to play the game for now. The girl thought as she picked herself up from the floor. “When your race killed Baretsu, his blood spilled to the ground and when it did he used his power to make it into a poisonous red gas that went into the atmosphere.” King Eswroth smirked at the cooperation. “Please, continue.” The girl took a step back form King Esworth. “The gas can do powerful things but takes time to react and bond with the atmosphere of the planet. On the two hundredth anniversary of the day he died, all other races aside from demons will be wiped off the planet for good.” The king looked shocked at the information and couldn't believe that this was true. “How the hell can we stop that!?” The girl took yet another step back and was now against the wall of the cell. “You can only stop the poisonous spread by spilling the blood of someone that was connected with Baretsu, but all of his closest got killed in the war...” The demon girl finished her statements and waited for a response. King Eswroth staggered out of the cell and closed it with a soft and subtle clatter. “I may need you later, until then you'll remain here and I expect you to be silent!” The demon girl slid down the wall of the cell and sat in the corner of it and hugged her knees. King Eswroth exited the dungeon and made the guards move from the door. “One of you, down there, the other is to return to their previous post. Understood?” The two saluted and agreed with a yes sir. “Barnaby, you are to come with me.” Barnaby saluted but then stopped as the king started to walk off. “But sir, there is something you should know...” The king stopped him from speaking with a sigh. “Not now Barnaby, I'll need to retire from the day...” The king said, walking into his chamber as the sun began to set like it was waiting for him to decide when. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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