RickiMinaj Posted April 9, 2009 Report Share Posted April 9, 2009 This one was actually inspired today. I was very sad and i guess i just put it out in this poem. Thank you for reading. [align=center]To be insulted by my own kindThen banished by the other kindI am alone?Am I alone?I am alone?Am I alone?No I am not. I have friendsSome who care about me more than youBut then I'm askedDo they?Do they really?I want to say yesBut the toughest question yet is...Can I?[/align] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoshIcy Posted April 9, 2009 Report Share Posted April 9, 2009 [i am alone?Am I alone?] Second part kinda kills it.And maybe you can find something better than "I am". Otherwise I like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HORUS Posted April 10, 2009 Report Share Posted April 10, 2009 I lol'd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RickiMinaj Posted April 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 10, 2009 why? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HORUS Posted April 10, 2009 Report Share Posted April 10, 2009 Generic, lame, emo poetry. Sorry, but you need a bit of experience. I don't mean to offend you or anything. Keep trying though, man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoshIcy Posted April 10, 2009 Report Share Posted April 10, 2009 Yeah, her others were better, sad to say.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HORUS Posted April 10, 2009 Report Share Posted April 10, 2009 It's a good concept, just improperly delivered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RickiMinaj Posted April 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 10, 2009 ahh, ok thank you. Well, i guess it is bad too. I just needed something to get my sadness out on. So i made this, but since icy said it, i guess i can do better than this. I promise, my next one wont let you down! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RiffMaster Alex Posted April 10, 2009 Report Share Posted April 10, 2009 ' pid='2011830' dateline='1239332498']Generic' date=' lame, emo poetry.[/quote'] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CinnamonStar Posted April 10, 2009 Report Share Posted April 10, 2009 ' pid='2011830' dateline='1239332498']Generic' date=' lame, emo poetry.[/quote'] =.=' Please, it's not going to help her much if you just copypaste something someone else posted... Hmm it's a bit hard to rate this properly since the way it sounds, it was more like venting... To let the sadness out, as you said.Well the idea is good, I understand how you're feeling and you manage to convey the emotions. But that's not the problem, it's more about the words and vocabulary.I like the 2 first verses but the ones after are a bit repetitive and clichéd. Try to avoid stereotypical sentences, they often kill the mood... So yeah nice intention behind the words, but the way you convey it needs a lot of work. I'm looking forward to your next poem though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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