Gaara Off screen

[Garaa of the Desert]

"OK THATS A RAP" said the director " everyone go home be back here tomorrow at 3:00 p.m., and dont be late" said the director looking at Garaa with a glare. You probly dont know this but Garaa doesn't go home right away, he goes to train his justu, and this is his first time training at this place because he destrod the last one, and didn't up pretty because it was very messy if know what mean. He arives there and owner says "its you (this is the boss from the last gym) you but not destroy this one or I will make a legal contract that you can not go to any gym in the eastern hemisphere, and I know you will not be able to go the western hemisphere because you dont have a pass, and..."

Garaa cuts him off and says " dude you really need to learn how to shut your mouth before someone does them selves" Garaa looking at the owner with a glare, and the owner is shakeing like crazy like he's about to die. TO BE CONTINUDE

[Kendo Fish]

.....I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS STORY!!!!!!!!

 

Well, first off, the chapter is very short.

 

Second, there's very little description. I myself know that Gaara is a Naruto character who happens to be in your avatar, but others might think this is an original story, thus you should clear that up.

 

Third, it's a large lump of text. Remember to seperate your paragraphs. That way, people can read it more easily.

 

Fourth, the grammar hasn't been proofread, or if it has, it wasn't done very well. Remember to spell-check, and add commas.

 

Overall, this story needs improvement and explanation. I'd say more, but I have to go right now.