Christian Exodia Posted April 3, 2009 Report Share Posted April 3, 2009 Chapter 1:Jodie was getting ready for school, "Ugh, school. At least it's a half day, & tonight is the Prom!" Jodie finishes and runs downstairs to eat breakfast, "What's today's breakfast?", she said. "Bacon & Eggs." her mother said. Jodie finishes fast & is out the door in an instant. She grabs her bike to ride to school. When she gets there, she runs into school before the bullies can ask for her lunch money. When she gets inside, she has 30 minutes to chat & put her stuff away. Jodie puts her stuff in her locker & grabs her iPod. "Let's listen to Linkin Park." Jodie listens to "Leave Out All The Rest" then puts it up. End of Chapter One Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weather Report - Stand Posted April 3, 2009 Report Share Posted April 3, 2009 Chapter 1:Jodie was getting ready for school' date=' "Ugh, school. At least it's a half day, & tonight is the Prom!" Jodie finishes and runs downstairs to eat breakfast, "What's today's breakfast?", she said. "Bacon & Eggs." her mother said. Jodie finishes fast & is out the door in an instant. She grabs her bike to ride to school. When she gets there, she runs into school before the bullies can ask for her lunch money. When she gets inside, she has 30 minutes to chat & put her stuff away. Jodie puts her stuff in her locker & grabs her iPod. "Let's listen to Linkin Park." Jodie listens to "Leave Out All The Rest" then puts it up. End of Chapter One[/quote'] HOLYCRAPTHATWASSHORT. So in this yugioh fic, we see a normal girl living a normal morning. OR DOES SHE?! Well, we don't know, since nothing else happened. I really can't rate this...blurb...because it's simply just too short a chapter to rate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
galesonic Posted April 3, 2009 Report Share Posted April 3, 2009 This chapter is terribly short. Also, try to include some spacing between most of the dialogue. It can let the reader read it better. Overall: try making the chapters longer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted April 4, 2009 Report Share Posted April 4, 2009 That was not a chapter. That was a paragraph. Tops. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Roxas Posted April 4, 2009 Report Share Posted April 4, 2009 Didn't have anything that seemed like a good hook. Give much more descriptions and draw things out a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christian Exodia Posted April 5, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2009 OOC: It's not A YUGIOH FAN FIC! Okay, i'm not all that good at Fan-Fics, but I have only attempted this twice beforehand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted April 5, 2009 Report Share Posted April 5, 2009 OOC: It's not A YUGIOH FAN FIC! Not only are you the first to mention the word "Yugioh" in this thread' date='[/s']Didn't see that, sorry. Still, you misuse OOC. And you don't have to be a writer to realize that this is short. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snitch Posted April 5, 2009 Report Share Posted April 5, 2009 OOC: It's not A YUGIOH FAN FIC! Okay' date=' i'm not all that good at Fan-Fics, but I have only attempted this twice beforehand.[/quote'] "An Exodia Fan-Fic"? The only place I've ever heard the term 'Exodia', because it's probably Trademarked, is in Yu-Gi-Oh!. So, you lose. This is your third attempt? On my third attempt I could at least write a chapter consisting of three paragraphs...at the LEAST. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.