a book that im completing

[RPGmaniac]

Ive been writing this book for two years and its on about page 236 im hoping it gets to 300 by the time im in highschool but a guy can dream heres the first chapter i might post more depends if i have writers block or not

 

Chapter 1

The book of Cayos

 

Tyu pushed over the large stone tablet and coughed as the dust clouded smeered over him. Behind him he heard a few coughs from his fellow adventurers. Tyu jumped into the chamber and lit a torch that was on the wall

"This is it my friends our two years of searching and we finally found it" Tyu triumphiantly said as he turned to see three men dusting themselves off. Tyu had been searching for the legendary book of Cayos it was said to hold the teachings of god and held the entire record since the world was created. Tyu looked through many pockets on his rough dirt covered patchwork shirt and finally found a brush, he went over to the wall and dusted off to see some hyroglyphics.

"Sir Tyu,? whats that!" one of the men pointed to something moving.

Tyu gulped and drew his Gladius from his belt the rest of the men followed. A small creature rattled out of the darkness and the men lowered there guard, Suddenly! A large purple blob bulleted from the darkness and grabbed one of the men and went back into its hole.

"William!!!"Tyu yelled they could hear distant screams as the monster ripped william to shreds.

"Sirr! we have to get out here its cursed!"

"no, we searched and searched and when were right there we cant just give up" Tyu responded

"then your fate will be the same as williams were leaving"

The two men helped eachother into the small vent they had come in from and crawled back leaving tyu in the ruined room alone.

"i dont need them, i done need anyone. Once i get the book of Cayos then ill be all knowing ill know the meaning of life and the meaning of death" Tyu said walking towards the exit. He walked for about ten minutes then a hissss broke the silence

"I gaavvee youssss a chancsssss to essscappssss"

Instantly Tyu's Torch blew out and he heard a large hiss drawing closer. Ignoring everything he just ran didnt care if he would miss something. He reached a large lighted corridor with five large gleaming pillars supporting both sides at the far end of the corridor there was a pedastal with a light emulating from it.

"I found it!" Tyu jumped for joy as he ran towards the pedastal ignoring to check if there were any traps. He reached the pedastal and put a hand on each side and stared at a book with a black cover with gold markings and the glowing letters "Cayos". Tyu jolted quickly and opened to the first page..not hearing the large hisss right behind him. Tyu only read one word before the monster grabbed his leg and pulled him into the darkness "Apostle".

[tehodis]

I see many grammar/punctuation/spelling errors, and you're not giving us much imagery. What does Tyu look like? How about everyone else? Etc. You need to work on it quite a bit more, and it's extremely short for a chapter.

[RPGmaniac]

ummm thanks jsut to let you know im doing this top of my head my real story is on school computer so im jsut trying to remember it but if you want a description of tyu well hes dead already

Brown hair, hazel eyes, Dirt covered face, Brown patchwork shirt covered by a long dirt covered cloak and patchwork pants with a belt holding multiple pouches full of various things and a gladius on the side

 

happy?

[cyberdude]

ok when you get back to school put it on ab memory stick or email it

[tehodis]

What are defining features about him? Scars, prominent facial features, body structure, hair length and style, etc.

[RPGmaniac]

i thank you for the tips but hes dead you do not need to know that stuff either cause i went to school this is the prelude

[Instinct]

uh, who's the main character?