A Flicker of Light in the Dark [Criticism is appreciated] Chapter 2 up

[fenrir]

Different. I felt I wanted to start low with the monsters, not to give the rogue an OP sense. The orb will be explained later, since I'm still working on it's backstory. I should have described the symbol more *facepalms*

 

Kinda, books will be more like, different parts to the story.

[Phantom Roxas]

Well, just edit in a description of the symbol. This only started after all, so I'll be fine with that.

[fenrir]

Well, I'll do that next chapter, seeing as I have a good opportunity.

 

Working on next chapter.

[shiko11]

grahh! I'm so impatient. >.< I admit, I look insanely forward to this story. It presents a strange.... escence. I don't understand why, I just need to read more.

 

>.< wanna read my fanfic? It's the "Dragonstones" one.

[fenrir]

I'll read.

[shiko11]

thx. but don't take too long, bcuz u must work on yours. :D (I don't mean that as in it needs work, I mean I want another chapter out.)

---

pardon me, and please, shield your eyes. >_> 3...2...1...

 

 

 

GRAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! I JUST POSTED CHAPTER TWO AND IT DID NOT LOAD! RAWR!!!!! T-T!

[fenrir]

Chapter 2 is up. Enjoy.

[.:Abarai Renji:.]

Nice chapter! Wonder who that girl is...^_^

[fenrir]

It's not who you think it is. It's another main character that I've been hoping to introduce.

[.:Abarai Renji:.]

Weeeeelllll...it COULD still be...^__^

 

Like my new sig?

[Fallen Hero]

nice chapters but the second chapter has some grammer problems. still good but it does need to be corrected

[fenrir]

Weeeeelllll...it COULD still be...^__^

 

Like my new sig?

 

No' date=' it's not her <_<

 

Yea, it's k.

 

nice chapters but the second chapter has some grammer problems. still good but it does need to be corrected

 

Ahh, no. I spell checked and personally read the chapter over atleast 5 times. Point them out.

[Fallen Hero]

“The poor are thinking of starting a revolt, they think if they strike will he’s sick, they can take over.”

 

that should be "while he's sick"

 

 

“They’ve been enemies since 500 hundred years. I’m pretty sure they’re getting her married to Ag’radge’s prince.”

 

this should either be

"They’ve been enemies since 500 hundred years ago"

or

"They’ve been enemies for 500 hundred years"

 

there the one's that i have noticed so far

[fenrir]

*Nods head approvingly*

 

Second one is fine as is.

 

First is what you get when you type too fast.

[Fallen Hero]

well at least you agree with the first one but the second still doesn't sound right not matter how many times i read it. it could just be me though.

 

on a different note, you haven't replied to my last pm

[fenrir]

I don't need to.

 

It's just you with the second one. It sounds fine to me no matter how much times I read it.

[Silent Omega]

Nice Chap, ^_^

[shiko11]

Nice, man! :D I luvs it. But, I agree with that 2nd mistake. It doesn't sound wrong... it just would sound better. W/e.

[Phantom Roxas]

"There were two bowls on the plate, filled with some sort of soup.

 

Dominic nodded.

 

'They’ve been enemies for 500 hundred years. I’m pretty sure they’re getting her married to Ag’radge’s prince.'"

 

This chapter was kind of a yawn. Just introduced Raiden, gave some names, and gave a short description of the orb that could have easily been done in Chapter 1.

[fenrir]

It was meant as a filler for the next chapter. Which I needed. Thanks for comments.

[Furious Reaper I]

i will give a comment and a rating to this fic

 

Grammer : 5/5

Originality: 4.9/5 - it seems very familiar

Storyline - 5/5

 

Overall - 14.9/15

 

I have read both chapters and the prolouge and i like it very much

[ragnarok1945]

well, this fic is coming along well. I hope you continue this, Fenrir