Star Child Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 that'll be the perfect day.anyway it didnt expect it to be good cause i just wrote it without thinkin that much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted March 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 that'll be the perfect day.anyway it didnt expect it to be good cause i just wrote it without thinkin that much. Bad excuse. Please, think about your poem when and before you write it! Otherwise, it won't be any good! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Star Child Posted March 24, 2009 Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 well it thought it was good though. EDIT: on the 1st post it says i only have 2 poems but i checked and i have 4 poems. is that a mistake? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mister Sir Posted March 24, 2009 Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 I'm still a bit new to the world of poetry, so keep it in mind.(To the point where I don't know what a SLAM Poem is). Inspired By Tool's Stinkfist: Something has to change.Decisions, decisions.Undeniable dilemmasCause my judgmentTo shatter. Something kinda sad aboutThe way that things have come to be.No more thoughts have come to be.I guess that's how it's gonna be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sid. Posted March 24, 2009 Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 Methinks some people haz been waiting for mah poem..Dunno if its good or not..:/ Dreaming. As he opened the door and looked at meI realised he was shot in the lungs and he had a scrape on his kneeThen i had to realise and ask"Can you breathe?!"And he still looked at me and said"Baby, its all a dream." So keep dreamin. Dr.. Dr.. Dreamin.Dreeeeeeeaaaamiiiiiinnnnnnn.Dreamin. i looked at her gleaminAnd her eyes kept twiklinAnd i closed my eyesAnd never saw here again. So keep dreamin.Dr.. Dr.. Dreamin.Dreeeeeeeaaaamiiiiiinnnnnnn.Dreamin. Then i tried to wake upTrying to breatheWhen i couldntI knew i would be meetinDeath and his [Censored] peopleAnd i knew right then im defeated. So keep dreamin.Dr.. Dr.. Dreamin.Dreeeeeeeaaaamiiiiiinnnnnnn.Dreamin. And i looked up into the skyTried to believe i could be rightThen i look at my wings and they diedAnd i fell down and never flied. So keep dreamin.Dr.. Dr.. Dreamin.Dreeeeeeeaaaamiiiiiinnnnnnn.Dreamin. And i tryed to get upFrom my graveThen i realised im about to eruptTook a shovel and made a caveSat in there and never stayed. So keep dreamin.Dr.. Dr.. Dreamin.Dreeeeeeeaaaamiiiiiinnnnnnn.Dreamin. And i looked down at myselfClosed my eyes and started to breatheThen realised i never had wealthBecause all it is is wisdomAnd wisdom is the key to real health. So keep dreamin.Dr.. Dr.. Dreamin.Dreeeeeeeaaaamiiiiiinnnnnnn.Dreamin. And opened my eyesand tried to breatheAnd look at herand lost my lead. So keep dreamin.Dr.. Dr.. Dreamin.Dreeeeeeeaaaamiiiiiinnnnnnn.Dreamin. Goodnight sir.Dream well and nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted March 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 well it thought it was good though. EDIT: on the 1st post it says i only have 2 poems but i checked and i have 4 poems. is that a mistake? You actually have 3. I will update the 1st post. @ Spawn: Ooh, me like! I really like the word images! @ siddiqiau00: I would consider that a song, not a poem. It's a bit too repetitive.Am I wrong anybody? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sid. Posted March 24, 2009 Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 Ok then,Heres one As i woke up in the moonlightI look up at the very starry nightSaw planets moving at the speed of lightThey're fast not even in my sight Moving faster then the dimming sunAnd now i get up and try to runMy eyes look forward and theres a gunPointing at my eye and he's won Death, Hatred, Anger, Aggrivation, Sadness,Coming down on me like a storm after night I cry and she looks at meHugs me and gives a kissAnd now i realised im the only witnessOf a murder that only fits thisIm the only one left gone through much fitness And thats it get with it.(part of the poem im not being mean lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mister Sir Posted March 24, 2009 Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 Well, all songs are poems, IMHO. :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted March 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 Well' date=' all songs are poems, IMHO. :P[/quote'] Yeah.. It's fine I suppose.. @ siddiqiau00: I like the new one!! Very nice atmosphere! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sid. Posted March 24, 2009 Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 Yeah.. It's fine I suppose.. Yeah. I ddint think it was good either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mister Sir Posted March 24, 2009 Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 Watching the weather changeNever with reactionsA desolate conscienceFull of malice and deceit.A variety of thoughts,Of possible paths.A credulous passerby.All the chances,None were taken.He watches the weather change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toxic-skull Posted March 24, 2009 Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 -_- ok sence you guys have more experenc with pomes.... can anyone give me advice? i don't know were to even start! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sid. Posted March 24, 2009 Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 Man, anyone can make a poem!Doesnt even need to ryhme! Poems, by my definition, are made up of 2 thingz.A point.&A rythm. If you make your point, you've made a poem.If your point follows a rhythm, e.g. rhyme, beat, order, etc..Its a poem. Thats all ya need to know!:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toxic-skull Posted March 24, 2009 Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 .....*sigh*.... ok who's this one then.....Boardi am really boardi am seting in this computer chiri am worndering why i'm even trying to make a poem for this crazy person and i know it sucks..... only thing i can think of at the moment..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sid. Posted March 24, 2009 Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 Lol. It s great. :DIf your so bored do somethin!Great poems come from great inspiration.Truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toxic-skull Posted March 24, 2009 Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 The Realm of NightmareIn the darkness waiting for the nightmare god to come backIn the his throne room hearing people screaming from losing their IdeyaIn the mind of myself i think theirs no hope for mein the room setting on the floor waiting my doom 0_0 this idea come out of no were..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sid. Posted March 24, 2009 Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 Ideas dont need to come from sources. Minds. But your doing great!Keep it up!:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Careless Whisper Posted March 24, 2009 Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 Man' date=' anyone can make a poem!Doesnt even need to ryhme! Poems, by my definition, are made up of 2 thingz.A point.&A rythm. If you make your point, you've made a poem.If your point follows a rhythm, e.g. rhyme, beat, order, etc..Its a poem. Thats all ya need to know!:D[/quote'] No, that isn't all he needs to know. He should also know that in a poem comes tone as well. Tone is like the melody, if you misinterpret tone, then you misinterpret meaning. Realon: I figured out that my style of poem can never be simple. I always have to have a deeper meaning in my poems because it's what makes my poems interesting. Take these two stanzas for example. [align=center]Breath In Breathe in to smell the warm night air,Breathe in to see the rainbow,Breathe in to feel the calmnessBefore the chimes sound below. Breathe in to taste the moment,Breathe in to grasp its reins,Breathe in to hear the silenceIn the world where silence gains. [/align] --This is an excerpt from my latest poem, "Breathe In". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Blud Posted March 24, 2009 Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 [align=center]Footsteps Locked inside a church,The darkness of the church,I lean against the wall; I'm sitting on the floor,When, suddenly, I hear some footsteps,The oh, so flat-foot footsteps,Coming in from yonder church's doors. My mind told me to look,How how I wish to look,But my heart tells me to stay so icy still,I continue to hear footsteps,The oh, so flat-foot footsteps,In which them coming closer gave me chills. My chills turned into shaking,So gently I was shaking,So that I refrain noise and he can't hear me,Because if he did hear me,Oh, so dreadful if he heard me,He'd take out his sharp knife and then he'd tear me. My shaking turned to fear,Oh, so dreadful was my fear,So I knelt down and then I start to pray,And, then, I saw a car,My daddy's purple car,So like lightning I bolt out and ride away. I look up to the sky,So nightly is the sky,And then I fold my hands and pray again,"Oh, thank you, mighty God,I praise you, mighty God,Cause if it weren't for you, I would've been dead!"[/align] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted March 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 Nice poems everyone! I'm glad to see you're all working hard! Midnightwolf, maybe some grammar in your "Board" poem.First of all, it's bored, not board. Chair, not chir. Wondering, not worndering.And yes, I am crazy. ^_^ Edit: I'm glad that a lot of you like this club. I'm glad I'm not the only person on YCM to like poetry!As I believe HarbingerEvil said it best, "Poetry = Win." ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mister Sir Posted March 24, 2009 Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 Can someone explain to me what a Slam Poem is and how it flows? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted March 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 Can someone explain to me what a Slam Poem is and how it flows? The term "slam poem" is really an umbrella category for all poems meant to be performed for a live audience in a competitive environment. "Spoken word" refers to all poetry meant to be performed aloud, including in noncompetitive environments like open mics. Therefore, all other kinds of poems, from haiku to sonnets to love poems, can be considered slam or spoken word poems. And slam and spoken word poems can be the exact same thing. Thaynk you Google! ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Star Child Posted March 24, 2009 Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 When Light Meets DarkWhen light meets dark all will be restfulWhen light meets dark all will bustleWhen light meets dark all will be peacefulWhen light meets dark all will rustle i hope you liked this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Careless Whisper Posted March 24, 2009 Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 [align=center]Footsteps Locked inside a church' date='The darkness of the church,I lean against the wall; I'm sitting on the floor,When, suddenly, I hear some footsteps,The oh, so flat-foot footsteps,Coming in from yonder church's doors. My mind told me to look,How how I [i']wish[/i] to look,But my heart tells me to stay so icy still,I continue to hear footsteps,The oh, so flat-foot footsteps,In which them coming closer gave me chills. My chills turned into shaking,So gently I was shaking,So that I refrain noise and he can't hear me,Because if he did hear me,Oh, so dreadful if he heard me,He'd take out his sharp knife and then he'd sear me. My shaking turned to fear,Oh, so dreadful was my fear,So I knelt down and then I start to pray,And, then, I saw a car,My daddy's purple car,So like lightning I bolt out and ride away. I look up to the sky,So nightly is the sky,And then I fold my hands and pray again,"Oh, thank you, mighty God,I praise you, mighty God,Cause if it weren't for you, I would've been dead!"[/align] This is really good. I've only found a few ticks in it. This has some good flow except for one part. "Stay so icy still" should be "Stay so still" instead. It's gives better flow and it also gives it alliteration (small tongue twister). Also, the other two things I bolded. Try to rhyme with different words. If you use the same word then it'll kill the effect. Change one of them to "Waking". It'll sound much better. Same goes for all the other stanzas. Try to find different words when you are rhyming something. It gives the poem more effect. I've also fixed a rhyming mistake. Where it says "Tear" as much as you want it to, tear doesn't pronouncely rhyme with "hear"... But "Sear" does, and it's similar to the word "Tear" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alastar Rainford Posted March 24, 2009 Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 i got a new one.:What a strange man:.What a strange manHe walks down the street with blood in his handYet he helps the poor and hopelessHe holds a blade on his backYet he dislikes fightingDown the bombed street he smiles devilishlyAnd he says everything will be betterHe continues walking exploding the guns in their handsAnd a tear drops from his face as he sees them on fireHis solid body breaks down and cries for the deadWhat a strange man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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