Star Child Posted April 26, 2009 Report Share Posted April 26, 2009 wtf did you just say!?the poem's good. it has an aa,bb ab,ba ab,cb aa,bb,cc rhyme scheme, 3rd stanza is the only bad one in terms of rhyming. and it keeps the same rhythm all the way through. again, the poem's good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supreme Gamesmaster Posted April 26, 2009 Report Share Posted April 26, 2009 Iamb: short-longAmphibrach: short-long-shortAmphimacer: long-short-long Make more sense yet? Looking back, removing "my" from first line, fourth stanza will simultaneously make the poem more universal and vague, and fix the metrical problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sid. Posted April 26, 2009 Report Share Posted April 26, 2009 Goodbye A simple gestureA heartfelt waveStreaked with leatherLeaving a cave. The moonlight shinesA intimate heart tornOne so humble and kindWill be forever forlorn. A platinum bullet flashesA golden knife clashesA suicide note writtenA last look of a kitten. Disaster strikesA young man diesA grown man wipesA lonesome tear on his eyes. He leaves us nowHe leaves us neverLet the audience rageAs the tree falls into shade Will we ever lose our way?Will we ever see the day?Will we ever cry in dismay? Will we ever say goodbye? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted April 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 27, 2009 wtf did you just say!?the poem's good. it has an aa' date='bb ab,ba ab,cb aa,bb,cc rhyme scheme, 3rd stanza is the only bad one in terms of rhyming. and it keeps the same rhythm all the way through. again, the poem's good.[/quote'] Look it up on Google.He's talking about the rhythm, not the rhyme scheme. @ Sid.: Sappy. There are a lot of, as Supreme Gamemaster would say, teenage angst in this poem. I don't really like it.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sid. Posted April 27, 2009 Report Share Posted April 27, 2009 Its all good. Its just something that happened recently. Just a poem anyways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted April 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 27, 2009 Its all good. Its just something that happened recently. Just a poem anyways. What's it about? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sid. Posted April 27, 2009 Report Share Posted April 27, 2009 Its all good. Its just something that happened recently. Just a poem anyways. What's it about? What?The poem?Leaving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted April 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 27, 2009 Its all good. Its just something that happened recently. Just a poem anyways. What's it about? What?The poem?Leaving. But in your life. Who left? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sid. Posted April 27, 2009 Report Share Posted April 27, 2009 Oh, just dont worry about that. Its not important. To you at least. EDIT: I didnt want that to imply me being a jerk, i just dont think its important to be known by other people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted April 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 27, 2009 Oh' date=' just dont worry about that. Its not important. To you at least. EDIT: I didnt want that to imply me being a jerk, i just dont think its important to be known by other people.[/quote'] Alright, that's perfectly understandable. It would just make the poem easier to understand for others. That's fine though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sid. Posted April 28, 2009 Report Share Posted April 28, 2009 More people, need more poems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted April 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 28, 2009 More people' date=' need more poems.[/quote'] True, it has been rather quiet. Still, people have lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted April 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 28, 2009 More people' date=' need more poems.[/quote'] True, it has been rather quiet. Still, people have lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duckmasta2020 Posted April 28, 2009 Report Share Posted April 28, 2009 This just came to me and i thought it was funny.[spoiler=Sin of Lust]Forgive me, my brothers, for I have sinnedA sin too terrible to possibly comprehendI lust after it and, if you please,Return to me my beloved cheese. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted April 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 28, 2009 This just came to me and i thought it was funny.[spoiler=Sin of Lust]Forgive me' date=' my brothers, for I have sinnedA sin too terrible to possibly comprehendI lust after it and, if you please,Return to me my beloved cheese. [/quote'] Lol, lusting after cheese. ^_^That's a funny idea! I hate to imagine what he wanted to do with the cheese.. 0_o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sid. Posted April 28, 2009 Report Share Posted April 28, 2009 Good idea. Ill go get some cheese now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted April 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 28, 2009 Good idea. Ill go get some cheese now. I know. I'm hungry now! =P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted April 30, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 30, 2009 cr8r a metEr fL 2 erth and left a hUmungis cr8r. the flAms burnd arownd it az it flU tOwrd the grownd. the impackt shuk the surfis of the planit.thus endid the fUcher and the past. al waz Ovr. ^ Complete total experiment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sid. Posted April 30, 2009 Report Share Posted April 30, 2009 I... didnt understand.. is it a poem? (not trying to be mean) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted April 30, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 30, 2009 I... didnt understand.. is it a poem? (not trying to be mean) Yes, it is a poem. A poem doesn't have to rhyme.(Hint: Capital letters are pronounced like the letter name.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mister Sir Posted April 30, 2009 Report Share Posted April 30, 2009 lol, it was... Nice >_> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sid. Posted April 30, 2009 Report Share Posted April 30, 2009 True dat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted April 30, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 30, 2009 Lol, I'm glad you all like. ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toxic-skull Posted April 30, 2009 Report Share Posted April 30, 2009 [align=center]i liked it to very imagateitve ^_^ and heres a new pome from me..... though i'm haveing hard time naming it can someone help me with it please? [spoiler=dream of ????] “Dream of ” Even in the world of nightmare,I still dream sweetly away from reality,For my sweet dreams take me to a grassy meadow filled with purple flowers swaying in the braise, The sunlight peeks throw the green leafy trees,As the warm summer air glistens threw the sky,I here the blue jay sing their beautiful songs, Then I dream of him…To me he’s a guardian angel, To others he’s just a normal boy who likes dragons, His hair is like dirty gold it always looks like it’s been blown back by the wind, His eyes are as green as a forest,In his arms it’s like home the most comforting greeting you could ever have,As for this… this is my most sweetest dream I could ever have,Even when I come back to the world of nightmare,He is their for me in reality and in my dreams... [/align] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duckmasta2020 Posted May 1, 2009 Report Share Posted May 1, 2009 cr8r a metEr fL 2 erth and left a hUmungis cr8r. the flAms burnd arownd it az it flU tOwrd the grownd. the impackt shuk the surfis of the planit.thus endid the fUcher and the past. al waz Ovr. ^ Complete total experiment. I thought it was very well done and I loved the way I read through it then looked back and was like wth? It was very suprising and fairly unique. [align=center]i liked it to very imagateitve ^_^ and heres a new pome from me..... though i'm haveing hard time naming it can someone help me with it please? [spoiler=dream of ????] “Dream of ” Even in the world of nightmare' date='I still dream sweetly away from reality,For my sweet dreams take me to a grassy meadow filled with purple flowers swaying in the braise, The sunlight peeks throw the green leafy trees,As the warm summer air glistens threw the sky,I here the blue jay sing their beautiful songs, Then I dream of him…To me he’s a guardian angel, To others he’s just a normal boy who likes dragons, His hair is like dirty gold it always looks like it’s been blown back by the wind, His eyes are as green as a forest,In his arms it’s like home the most comforting greeting you could ever have,As for this… this is my most sweetest dream I could ever have,Even when I come back to the world of nightmare,He is their for me in reality and in my dreams... [/align']Man of my dreams? It's well done and i like it though something about the rhythm threw me off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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