The Poets Laureate: [Please Lock]

[Toxic-skull]

Are you serious?

 

Without criticism' date=' how in the world do you propose to improve?

[/quote']

 

The above is true. Without criticism you cannot improve but on the other hand you tend to not give constructive criticism. you are a lot like the people who say that something is bad without explaining as to why. If you were to give a more positive criticism instead of the constant negative criticism, I think people wouldn't have as much of a problem.

ok... i will at least agree with that....

[Raelen]

The dark eruption

Once thought corruption

Has unfolded to more it seems

 

Who I once thought a mad man

Was really a rad man

Now myself' date=' I must be redeemed

 

A false accusation

Led to newfound admiration

A logic unflawed and lacking a scheme.

[/quote']

 

Nice! I like the thought that went into this!

 

@ Heck, everyone: Let's try to refrain from any more arguing. With poetry, you need to be able to take criticism. On the other hand, you should also try to make comments that are as useful to the author as possible. Supreme Gamesmaster, I have gotten some complaints about the quality of your comments. I would appreciate it if you be a bit more helpful with your comments. People are finding them a tad harsh.

People write poetry in their own way. There is no rule for poetry written in stone. It is up to the poet how to write, just as it is the sculptor's choice how to sculpt. You may not like Midnightwolf's poems, as might others, but I know some people might not like your poems or mine. We all have opinions. No one's opinion is 100% correct.

[Duckmasta2020]

The dark eruption

Once thought corruption

Has unfolded to more it seems

 

Who I once thought a mad man

Was really a rad man

Now myself' date=' I must be redeemed

 

A false accusation

Led to newfound admiration

A logic unflawed and lacking a scheme.

[/quote']

 

I really like the undertone of dark to light in this. I can't wait to read your next poem.

[Enrise]

<.< >.>

I love seeing arguments :?

[Star Child]

Lady

Lady

Lady, oh lady

She walks all day

And helps the less fortunate happily

Sometimes she rests by the bay

She feeds crumbs to the birds then heads on her merry way

She sees all the children play

And volunteers at the nursery weekly

Lady, oh lady

[Raelen]

Lady

Lady

Lady' date=' oh lady

She walks all day

And helps the less fortunate happily

Sometimes she rests by the bay

She feeds crumbs to the birds then heads on her merry way

She sees all the children play

And volunteers at the nursery weekly

Lady, oh lady

[/quote']

 

Cute poem. ^_^

She sounds nice!

[Sid.]

[spoiler=Dreams]

I once had dreams

Beautiful dreams

Pleasant ones

Like cake with no cream

Dreams of death

Crying and despair

Dreams of thought

Thoughts that flew out of air.

Bountiful dreams

Fields of roses

Grass and leaves

Bushes and trees

All in a midsummer nights breeze.

Dreams.

 

 

[Duckmasta2020]

[spoiler=Dreams]

I once had dreams

Beautiful dreams

Pleasant ones

Like cake with no cream

Dreams of death

Crying and despair

Dreams of thought

Thoughts that flew out of air.

Bountiful dreams

Fields of roses

Grass and leaves

Bushes and trees

All in a midsummer nights breeze.

Dreams.

 

 

 

Well done. I could easily imagine what you are saying in this.

[Sid.]

[spoiler=Beauty]

True beauty

Essence of lies

What made her

Innaceptable cries

Yeah shes cute

A jabroni too

When she cries

The rain falls from a broken sky.

She can be kind

She can be mad

She can be happy when she lies.

She doesnt know me,

I dont know her,

But we'll know each other,

When i find her.

She has true beauty.

True beauty of the best kind.

 

 

[Supreme Gamesmaster]

The dark eruption

Once thought corruption

Has unfolded to more it seems

 

Who I once thought a mad man

Was really a rad man

Now myself' date=' I must be redeemed

 

A false accusation

Led to newfound admiration

A logic unflawed and lacking a scheme.

[/quote']

This could work very well with six amphibrachs and an iamb per; the second stanza is by far the best musically. Don't use the last one.

"unflawed and" can be changed to "that's" or "true" or something along those lines; unflawed isn't a word, and you'll repair the meter.

The poem sounds a bit like the reminiscence of some of the USA's post-WWII White southerners, especially the first stanza.

 

Nice! I like the thought that went into this!

 

@Supreme Gamesmaster, I have gotten some complaints about the quality of your comments. I would appreciate it if you be a bit more helpful with your comments. People are finding them a tad harsh. Their problem, really. I'm a pessimist, cynic, et cetera in everything I do; oddly enough, I have yet to find a critique on one of my own works more harsh than the one I give it prior to publishing. I'm not about to change my personality to fit the needs of others. Finding what's wrong is what I do, and the message — 'you've screwed this up' — remains the same no matter how it is said.

People write poetry in their own way. There is no rule for poetry written in stone. It is up to the poet how to write, just as it is the sculptor's choice how to sculpt. Not quite. Literary artists are expected to conform to a set of linguistic conventions; sculptors have literally no parameters. You may not like Midnightwolf's poems, as might others, but I know some people might not like your poems or mine. We all have opinions. No one's opinion is 100% correct. I'd be hard pressed to find one educated reader who could concentrate on a piece with poor conventions, mon ami(e)... The necessity of linguistic perfection must come before even the substance of literary arts, as conformity to the tongue is indeed in the very definition of the term "literature." 'Tis factual, not opinionated. The rest... well, that is opinion, and so must be taken as it is stated and tweaked by the author to achieve the desired effect.

<.< >.>

I love seeing arguments :?

A bit late for this spam, no?

[Star Child]

Introducing my best poem ever!!!!!!!!

 

[spoiler=My best work]

My Home

Now is rain

But I feel no pain

The clouds are my roof

And they're lightning proof

 

With my roof overhead

I lie on the ground

The grass is my bed

And i'm eternally bound

Wet is my head

Will I ever be found?

Or am I dead?

 

[Sid.]

I like it.

Good job. Well done.

[Star Child]

thank very much.

[Duckmasta2020]

Introducing my best poem ever!!!!!!!!

 

[spoiler=My best work]

My Home

Now is rain

But I feel no pain

The clouds are my roof

And they're lightning proof

 

With my roof overhead

I lie on the ground

The grass is my bed

And i'm eternally bound

Wet is my head

Will I ever be found?

Or am I dead?

 

 

it's soothing to read.

[Supreme Gamesmaster]

1. The second stanza is waaaay too angsty.

2. Fourth line, second stanza destroys your iamb-anapest sequences.

3. Decide whether you want iamb-anapest sequences, double-anapest sequences, or some regular alternation between the two.

[Star Child]

1. The second stanza is waaaay too angsty.

2. Fourth line' date=' second stanza destroys your iamb-anapest sequences.

3. Decide whether you want iamb-anapest sequences, double-anapest sequences, or some regular alternation between the two.

[/quote']

those are some fancy words and i have no clue what they mean. the only line that threw off the poem was 1 stanza 4 line. and that's because it doesn't have the same rythm (tell me if it's spelled wrong).

[Supreme Gamesmaster]

Iamb: Short-long.

Anapest: Short-short-long.

 

You did; it's "rhythm".

 

Second stanza, fourth line, is two iambs and an anapest; it's too long to be viable. Using two metrical feet per line should work fairly well.

[Star Child]

what!!?? you could just say that you dont like it.

[Supreme Gamesmaster]

How would that help anything? A critique must improve the critiqued work.

 

For the record, Wikipedia is your friend. They have great articles on the metrical feet, and on poetic form in general.

[Raelen]

 

For the record' date=' Wikipedia is your friend. They have great articles on the metrical feet, and on poetic form in general.

[/quote']

 

Very true. If you have any questions, Google it. Google doesn't get impatient. ^_^

[Duckmasta2020]

Hey guys I haven't posted a poem in a while so here are two more

[spoiler=Corruption]Lost within

Lost without

Can't go on

Without a doubt

 

Life will end

Where life begins

Cruel minds will rise

Spreading their sins

 

Wars will rage

Loved ones will die

Sadness will reign

As time goes by

 

[spoiler=Happiness]Happiness is a field away

Shining bright like yesterday

With green grass and smiling flowers

A second turns to hours

As time passes by

Floating away like a butterfly

 

Happiness is a creek away

Shining bright like yesterday

With a gentle breeze

And fish that like to tease

Along the moving creek

You'll find what you seek

 

Happiness is a hill away

Shining bright like yesterday

Though the hill may be hard to climb

You'll know, when two souls rhyme

When you reach the top and have won

You'll realize two can make one

 

[Raelen]

Hey guys I haven't posted a poem in a while so here are two more

[spoiler=Corruption]Lost within

Lost without

Can't go on

Without a doubt

 

Life will end

Where life begins

Cruel minds will rise

Spreading their sins

 

Wars will rage

Loved ones will die

Sadness will reign

As time goes by

 

[spoiler=Happiness]Happiness is a field away

Shining bright like yesterday

With green grass and smiling flowers

A second turns to hours

As time passes by

Floating away like a butterfly

 

Happiness is a creek away

Shining bright like yesterday

With a gentle breeze

And fish that like to tease

Along the moving creek

You'll find what you seek

 

Happiness is a hill away

Shining bright like yesterday

Though the hill may be hard to climb

You'll know' date=' when two souls rhyme

When you reach the top and have won

You'll realize two can make one

 

[/quote']

 

Both poems seem to be in the same kind of rhythm and seem to be the exact opposite of each other. Was this on purpose? They are good, although you have done better. ^_^

[Duckmasta2020]

Hey guys I haven't posted a poem in a while so here are two more

[spoiler=Corruption]Lost within

Lost without

Can't go on

Without a doubt

 

Life will end

Where life begins

Cruel minds will rise

Spreading their sins

 

Wars will rage

Loved ones will die

Sadness will reign

As time goes by

 

[spoiler=Happiness]Happiness is a field away

Shining bright like yesterday

With green grass and smiling flowers

A second turns to hours

As time passes by

Floating away like a butterfly

 

Happiness is a creek away

Shining bright like yesterday

With a gentle breeze

And fish that like to tease

Along the moving creek

You'll find what you seek

 

Happiness is a hill away

Shining bright like yesterday

Though the hill may be hard to climb

You'll know' date=' when two souls rhyme

When you reach the top and have won

You'll realize two can make one

 

[/quote']

 

Both poems seem to be in the same kind of rhythm and seem to be the exact opposite of each other. Was this on purpose? They are good, although you have done better. ^_^

 

It actually was an accident when i wrote them in contrast I had just written corruption when my friend was dumped by her boyfriend. I wrote happiness in an attempt to cheer her up.

[Raelen]

Hey guys I haven't posted a poem in a while so here are two more

[spoiler=Corruption]Lost within

Lost without

Can't go on

Without a doubt

 

Life will end

Where life begins

Cruel minds will rise

Spreading their sins

 

Wars will rage

Loved ones will die

Sadness will reign

As time goes by

 

[spoiler=Happiness]Happiness is a field away

Shining bright like yesterday

With green grass and smiling flowers

A second turns to hours

As time passes by

Floating away like a butterfly

 

Happiness is a creek away

Shining bright like yesterday

With a gentle breeze

And fish that like to tease

Along the moving creek

You'll find what you seek

 

Happiness is a hill away

Shining bright like yesterday

Though the hill may be hard to climb

You'll know' date=' when two souls rhyme

When you reach the top and have won

You'll realize two can make one

 

[/quote']

 

Both poems seem to be in the same kind of rhythm and seem to be the exact opposite of each other. Was this on purpose? They are good, although you have done better. ^_^

 

It actually was an accident when i wrote them in contrast I had just written corruption when my friend was dumped by her boyfriend. I wrote happiness in an attempt to cheer her up.

 

That was nice of you! ^_^

 

[align=center] Apple Tree

 

 

In spring, a massive tree of green

dotted white with flowers seen,

in which the bees so pollinate,

from which my allergies originate.

 

In summer, green and spots of brown

are seen upon the leaves still there,

while apples green, not yet prepared,

are not yet ready for plucking down.

 

 

In fall, leaves bright in autumn flare

fall through the trees in bright array,

while apples juicy, sweet and red

are picked to eat for another day

 

In winter, not a leaf remains

to decorate the skeletal frame

which stands alone in a vast field,

and while we wait for spring, we yield,

and eat the apples while we wait,

and eat the apples while we wait.

[/align]

[Supreme Gamesmaster]

First line, fourth stanza throws off the meter. While iamb-amphibrach-amphibrach-iamb does have a melodious flow, it doesn't work within iambic tetrameter as, say, amphimacer-iamb-iamb does. I'd also take the "yet" out of second stanza, fourth line, to avoid metrical mishaps and redundance.

 

The metaphorical significance of the poem is astonishing.