Toxic-skull Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 Based on my webcomic that isn't up yet.[spoiler=The Torment of Negine]To think' date=' to dream, to hurt, to scream'Twas all she was on cruel EternNow he has shown her truth, to turnHer life, its meaning, upside downAnd worse, continue, turn aroundDestroy her pure integrity.She can't see MachiavelliHer angel guard that spurred her forthIn life, and with her, her mentorSo now, she breaks, she cries, she screams. You'd need to know Negine and Saedra to understand any of this, so just take it as it is for now. [spoiler=The Tune of the Twin Towers'] The Tune of the Twin TowersFor no one is left,for it’s only a terrifying memory,from the white ghosts all a row, From the murky leaking roof to the dampened windows, “therefore” said the shadow’s of the ghosts “ this is the tune of the twin towers. For no one sees them,They sit by the ruble remains of the towers,They cry on what had happened,“Alas” said the shadow’s of the ghosts “this is the tune of the twin towers” If any of the living would go to the remains of the towers now,They would wind up dieing in the rubble just like the others,All of the poor unfortunate souls claimed by the twin towers,“death is sadness” said the shadow’s of the ghosts “this is the tune of the twin towers” It's prose. Cool imagery, though.[spoiler=“Follow Your Dreams”]“Follow Your Dreams”Follow your dreams on a journey,Follow your dreams across the country,Follow your dreams to the Pacific Ocean,Follow your dreams to the great caves that have been reformed by man, Follow your dreams and let your heart swore into the land of laudably and dreams… Pacific Ocean? "Laudably?"[spoiler=Hatred]“Hatred”The feeling I hate most,The feeling that controls my anger,The feeling that you get when you want to kill someone,The feeling that lives on a flame that burns brighter every second of every day,The feeling that releases the storm inside,The feeling I always feel is hatred… How does hatred control anger? Also, random angst FTL.[spoiler=“Captured”]“Captured”Why was I the one,Why did the Fire Lord chose me,Why was I the next Moon GodWhy was I the most powerful out of the Moon tribe, Now because of that I’ve been captured,Now I’m in the Fire Lord’s torture chamber,Now my powers are going to be taken away,Now I’m never going to see Reala again,Now that I’m here my life to over, There is no hope for me now,There won’t be any prayers answered, Here I won’t even see tomorrow,Here I see my life before me,Here my last breath and memory, I see Reala the one I love and the one who has protected me all this time,I see the memory fade to black…. Here being captured really sucks! Background knowledge pl0x. Also, that last line is horrible. You could use some work on conventions. ok what is ftl? and Laudably?" was supposed to be lullaby, also my hatred does control my anger because it lives off of it. and my last poem the last line is suppose to add humor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duckmasta2020 Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 Based on my webcomic that isn't up yet.[spoiler=The Torment of Negine]To think' date=' to dream, to hurt, to scream'Twas all she was on cruel EternNow he has shown her truth, to turnHer life, its meaning, upside downAnd worse, continue, turn aroundDestroy her pure integrity.She can't see MachiavelliHer angel guard that spurred her forthIn life, and with her, her mentorSo now, she breaks, she cries, she screams. You'd need to know Negine and Saedra to understand any of this, so just take it as it is for now. [spoiler=The Tune of the Twin Towers'] The Tune of the Twin TowersFor no one is left,for it’s only a terrifying memory,from the white ghosts all a row, From the murky leaking roof to the dampened windows, “therefore” said the shadow’s of the ghosts “ this is the tune of the twin towers. For no one sees them,They sit by the ruble remains of the towers,They cry on what had happened,“Alas” said the shadow’s of the ghosts “this is the tune of the twin towers” If any of the living would go to the remains of the towers now,They would wind up dieing in the rubble just like the others,All of the poor unfortunate souls claimed by the twin towers,“death is sadness” said the shadow’s of the ghosts “this is the tune of the twin towers” It's prose. Cool imagery, though.[spoiler=“Follow Your Dreams”]“Follow Your Dreams”Follow your dreams on a journey,Follow your dreams across the country,Follow your dreams to the Pacific Ocean,Follow your dreams to the great caves that have been reformed by man, Follow your dreams and let your heart swore into the land of laudably and dreams… Pacific Ocean? "Laudably?"[spoiler=Hatred]“Hatred”The feeling I hate most,The feeling that controls my anger,The feeling that you get when you want to kill someone,The feeling that lives on a flame that burns brighter every second of every day,The feeling that releases the storm inside,The feeling I always feel is hatred… How does hatred control anger? Also, random angst FTL.[spoiler=“Captured”]“Captured”Why was I the one,Why did the Fire Lord chose me,Why was I the next Moon GodWhy was I the most powerful out of the Moon tribe, Now because of that I’ve been captured,Now I’m in the Fire Lord’s torture chamber,Now my powers are going to be taken away,Now I’m never going to see Reala again,Now that I’m here my life to over, There is no hope for me now,There won’t be any prayers answered, Here I won’t even see tomorrow,Here I see my life before me,Here my last breath and memory, I see Reala the one I love and the one who has protected me all this time,I see the memory fade to black…. Here being captured really sucks! Background knowledge pl0x. Also, that last line is horrible. You could use some work on conventions. ok what is ftl? and Laudably?" was supposed to be lullaby, also my hatred does control my anger because it lives off of it. and my last poem the last line is suppose to add humor It means for the lose, just as ftw means for the win. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sid. Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 Interesting to read. Telling a bit about yourself eh?! Kinda' date=' no one really knows me on here anyways. Based on my webcomic that isn't up yet.[spoiler=The Torment of Negine]To think, to dream, to hurt, to scream'Twas all she was on cruel EternNow he has shown her truth, to turnHer life, its meaning, upside downAnd worse, continue, turn aroundDestroy her pure integrity.She can't see MachiavelliHer angel guard that spurred her forthIn life, and with her, her mentorSo now, she breaks, she cries, she screams. You'd need to know Negine and Saedra to understand any of this, so just take it as it is for now. [spoiler=The Tune of the Twin Towers] The Tune of the Twin TowersFor no one is left,for it’s only a terrifying memory,from the white ghosts all a row, From the murky leaking roof to the dampened windows, “therefore” said the shadow’s of the ghosts “ this is the tune of the twin towers. For no one sees them,They sit by the ruble remains of the towers,They cry on what had happened,“Alas” said the shadow’s of the ghosts “this is the tune of the twin towers” If any of the living would go to the remains of the towers now,They would wind up dieing in the rubble just like the others,All of the poor unfortunate souls claimed by the twin towers,“death is sadness” said the shadow’s of the ghosts “this is the tune of the twin towers” It's prose. Cool imagery, though.[spoiler=“Follow Your Dreams”]“Follow Your Dreams”Follow your dreams on a journey,Follow your dreams across the country,Follow your dreams to the Pacific Ocean,Follow your dreams to the great caves that have been reformed by man, Follow your dreams and let your heart swore into the land of laudably and dreams… Pacific Ocean? "Laudably?"[spoiler=Hatred]“Hatred”The feeling I hate most,The feeling that controls my anger,The feeling that you get when you want to kill someone,The feeling that lives on a flame that burns brighter every second of every day,The feeling that releases the storm inside,The feeling I always feel is hatred… How does hatred control anger? Also, random angst FTL.[spoiler=“Captured”]“Captured”Why was I the one,Why did the Fire Lord chose me,Why was I the next Moon GodWhy was I the most powerful out of the Moon tribe, Now because of that I’ve been captured,Now I’m in the Fire Lord’s torture chamber,Now my powers are going to be taken away,Now I’m never going to see Reala again,Now that I’m here my life to over, There is no hope for me now,There won’t be any prayers answered, Here I won’t even see tomorrow,Here I see my life before me,Here my last breath and memory, I see Reala the one I love and the one who has protected me all this time,I see the memory fade to black…. Here being captured really sucks! Background knowledge pl0x. Also, that last line is horrible. You could use some work on conventions. STFU. The poems Wolf made were fantastic. The first, imagery, absolutely amazing.The second, true. People really do need to follow their dreams.And i believe "Laudably" means praise.Follow your dreams wolf.The last line of "Captured" was not meant to be horrible, it was to add humor and give you something to laugh with. FTL? right. That was just stupid. (Speaks to wolf) Hatred consumes on anger. As a lion pounces on a deer,The more powerful consumes the weak. But one thing. Dont thrive on the powerful. Dont be the hunter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toxic-skull Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 wow thanks everyone i really didn't expect this.... min people likeing my pomes i just thought my pomes would be inored again but a guess not... thanks again everyone! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duckmasta2020 Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 wow thanks everyone i really didn't expect this.... min people likeing my pomes i just thought my pomes would be inored again but a guess not... thanks again everyone! :D It's not that they're ignored, it's more like we forget to comment on em. Np! =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toxic-skull Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 um... i just got done making a new club banner... is it ok? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duckmasta2020 Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 Personally i like the style of script but the roses don't really have too much to do with poetry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted April 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 um... i just got done making a new club banner... is it ok? It's nice. The script looks too pixelated though..Also, why black roses?I think we should stick with Blud's banner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sid. Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 Eh.Since people are making banners, i thought i may as well give it a go... Take it or leave it. Doesnt really matter to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted April 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 Eh.Since people are making banners' date=' i thought i may as well give it a go... [img']http://i718.photobucket.com/albums/ww185/siddiqiau/poets.jpg[/img] Take it or leave it. Doesnt really matter to me. Ooh, that's nice! We'll have to hear what BludMonkey thinks. After all, he came up with the first banner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Star Child Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 we should keep the current banner because it looks like someone was writing a poem back in old times and fits the club perfectly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toxic-skull Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 wel... can i at least use my own banner? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted April 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 wel... can i at least use my own banner? Well, I'd like us all to have the same banner so people won't get all confused with 3 different banners. You could use both, I suppose.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toxic-skull Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 ok question.... how can people get confused with 3 different banners? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supreme Gamesmaster Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 Based on my webcomic that isn't up yet.[spoiler=The Torment of Negine]To think' date=' to dream, to hurt, to scream'Twas all she was on cruel EternNow he has shown her truth, to turnHer life, its meaning, upside downAnd worse, continue, turn aroundDestroy her pure integrity.She can't see MachiavelliHer angel guard that spurred her forthIn life, and with her, her mentorSo now, she breaks, she cries, she screams. You'd need to know Negine and Saedra to understand any of this, so just take it as it is for now. [spoiler=The Tune of the Twin Towers'] The Tune of the Twin TowersFor no one is left,for it’s only a terrifying memory,from the white ghosts all a row, From the murky leaking roof to the dampened windows, “therefore” said the shadow’s of the ghosts “ this is the tune of the twin towers. For no one sees them,They sit by the ruble remains of the towers,They cry on what had happened,“Alas” said the shadow’s of the ghosts “this is the tune of the twin towers” If any of the living would go to the remains of the towers now,They would wind up dieing in the rubble just like the others,All of the poor unfortunate souls claimed by the twin towers,“death is sadness” said the shadow’s of the ghosts “this is the tune of the twin towers” It's prose. Cool imagery, though.[spoiler=“Follow Your Dreams”]“Follow Your Dreams”Follow your dreams on a journey,Follow your dreams across the country,Follow your dreams to the Pacific Ocean,Follow your dreams to the great caves that have been reformed by man, Follow your dreams and let your heart swore into the land of laudably and dreams… Pacific Ocean? "Laudably?"[spoiler=Hatred]“Hatred”The feeling I hate most,The feeling that controls my anger,The feeling that you get when you want to kill someone,The feeling that lives on a flame that burns brighter every second of every day,The feeling that releases the storm inside,The feeling I always feel is hatred… How does hatred control anger? Also, random angst FTL.[spoiler=“Captured”]“Captured”Why was I the one,Why did the Fire Lord chose me,Why was I the next Moon GodWhy was I the most powerful out of the Moon tribe, Now because of that I’ve been captured,Now I’m in the Fire Lord’s torture chamber,Now my powers are going to be taken away,Now I’m never going to see Reala again,Now that I’m here my life to over, There is no hope for me now,There won’t be any prayers answered, Here I won’t even see tomorrow,Here I see my life before me,Here my last breath and memory, I see Reala the one I love and the one who has protected me all this time,I see the memory fade to black…. Here being captured really sucks! Background knowledge pl0x. Also, that last line is horrible. You could use some work on conventions. ok what is ftl? and Laudably?" was supposed to be lullaby, also my hatred does control my anger because it lives off of it. So... it doesn't regulate or moderate it at all. Hatred as you describe it is an extension of anger, not a commander of it. and my last poem the last line is suppose to add humor. It failed miserably. STFU. The poems Wolf made were fantastic. Bad conventions make it lose all of its fantasy.The first' date=' imagery, absolutely amazing.[b']At least, it would be if the conventions were better. You can't follow bad grammar into poetic language.[/b]The second, true. People really do need to follow their dreams.And i believe "Laudably" means praise.Teh noez. He said 'lullaby'. Although, that is what laudably means (approvingly); it just seemed out of context.Follow your dreams wolf.The last line of "Captured" was not meant to be horrible, it was to add humor and give you something to laugh with. Again, it failed miserably. It just screwed up the entire poem.FTL? right. That was just stupid. THANK YOU. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sid. Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 STFU. The poems Wolf made were fantastic. Bad conventions make it lose all of its fantasy.The first' date=' imagery, absolutely amazing.[b']At least, it would be if the conventions were better. You can't follow bad grammar into poetic language.[/b]The second, true. People really do need to follow their dreams.And i believe "Laudably" means praise.Teh noez. He said 'lullaby'. Although, that is what laudably means (approvingly); it just seemed out of context.Follow your dreams wolf.The last line of "Captured" was not meant to be horrible, it was to add humor and give you something to laugh with. Again, it failed miserably. It just screwed up the entire poem.FTL? right. That was just stupid. THANK YOU. Wow. Your disgracing someones poetry. Your not a poet.Praise makes a real poet. Not criticism.You cant say that bad grammar totally ruins the poem...its the Authors way of talking. You cant say that adding humor too a sad poem,It lightens up the mood, which is good.Please. If all your gonna do is just plague wolfs mind with idiotic criticism, please stop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supreme Gamesmaster Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 STFU. The poems Wolf made were fantastic. Bad conventions make it lose all of its fantasy.The first' date=' imagery, absolutely amazing.[b']At least, it would be if the conventions were better. You can't follow bad grammar into poetic language.[/b]The second, true. People really do need to follow their dreams.And i believe "Laudably" means praise.Teh noez. He said 'lullaby'. Although, that is what laudably means (approvingly); it just seemed out of context.Follow your dreams wolf.The last line of "Captured" was not meant to be horrible, it was to add humor and give you something to laugh with. Again, it failed miserably. It just screwed up the entire poem.FTL? right. That was just stupid. THANK YOU. Wow. Your disgracing someones poetry. Your not a poet.Praise makes a real poet. Not criticism.You cant say that bad grammar totally ruins the poem...its the Authors way of talking. You cant say that adding humor too a sad poem,It lightens up the mood, which is good.Please. If all your gonna do is just plague wolfs mind with idiotic criticism, please stop. Praise where praise is due has already been given. Once the good in a poem/proem/prose has already been given, only criticism, which had yet to be dealt, can assist the writer.One cannot immediately reverse the effect of a poem with a single, out-of-context line, especially one so painfully emotional.Conventions are absolutely necessary to create the immersing effect of poetic language; poor mechanics distract an educated reader from the poem immediately, thus withdrawing the reader from the poem's imagery-created world. They are especially needed in such an imagery-laden proem as Twin Towers, which was the main target of that criticism, though in all poems, grammar is even more essential than it is in prose.If you really think I'm going to stop being a ridiculously finicky adjudicator at the prompting of a lone defender, you obviously don't know me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sid. Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 I dont know you.Hell, I dont know anyone on here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toxic-skull Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 :roll: why can't i just write poems in peace! without people criticising it god you need to get a life! rather then making up bad comments about my poems one you just like to do that to get people on your side, two you do that because your Jules is all so you can't take down my imaging mind not anymore! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supreme Gamesmaster Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 Are you serious? Without criticism, how in the world do you propose to improve? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toxic-skull Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 obvisuly not listing to you! and people saying bad committees in a GOOD way Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supreme Gamesmaster Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 It's your decision whether or not to take my advice. The way I see it, the actual message is the same no matter how it is said, so why waste the time sugar-coating things? Besides, if this were a created card, that review would have been very nice. Probably the same in poetry, save that there isn't nearly as much crap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toxic-skull Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 what?! the hack do you mean about the last part? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duckmasta2020 Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 Are you serious? Without criticism' date=' how in the world do you propose to improve?[/quote'] The above is true. Without criticism you cannot improve but on the other hand you tend to not give constructive criticism. you are a lot like the people who say that something is bad without explaining as to why. If you were to give a more positive criticism instead of the constant negative criticism, I think people wouldn't have as much of a problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jericho Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 The dark eruptionOnce thought corruptionHas unfolded to more it seems Who I once thought a mad manWas really a rad manNow myself, I must be redeemed A false accusationLed to newfound admirationA logic unflawed and lacking a scheme. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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