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Altered Beast Fan Fic (Chapter 5 is up): Now adding theme songs.


Fallen Hero

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A hunter you say? Works for me.

 

Name: Hilario Loco

Age: 18

Country you came from: Spain/Britain

Beast Form: Scorpion

Side(escapee or hunter): Hunter

Biography: Born in Spain with Spanish parents, at three months his parents moved to Britain. As such he learned English well, with only a few choice

Spanish words. He was brought up somewhat... oddly. His parents rarely stuck to the rules they started with, and altered them lots of the time. One minute they would be giving him ice cream, the next they would shout at him for eating too much sugar. The upbringing gave him a somewhat... odd personality.

His parents died when he was fifteen, they were killed in a hostage situation at a local bank where they were getting money for a plasma television. Strangely, he seemed rather... uncaring of his parents death, when told merely sighed, cheerfully said they were with God now, and started searching for a job.

His mutation was revealed a year later, oddly enough, at a friend's birthday party. They had been playing Truth or Dare and he had gone for truth. They had asked if he had a girlfriend and suddenly a large scorpion (about the size of an average human) was in the room. Naturally everyone freaked out and escaped, leaving him scuttling around the room, then getting bored and exiting the house into the world. He managed to go far away from there as a scorpion and reverted back to human form, where he got a job for a short time at EB Games, before being found and he turned once again into a scorpion, and killed several before turning back into a human and being captured. He was carefully released when the military realized to stop the escapees they needed the creatures themselves. He seemed happy to help, but the military doesn't trust the happy, go-lucky personality and have implanted numerous tracking devices to keep an eye on him. No actual guards though, perhaps due to his poisonous abilities...

Normal Appearance(plz use pics): 1065499557_Pictures14.jpg

Beast Appearance(plz use pics if possible): Leaper.jpg (Just add scorpion pincer 'arms' to it)

Elemental Enhancement(while in beast form, only allowed one): Poison

 

Special Moves/Abilities(while in beast form and plz describe them the best you can):

Toxic Claw: Both the stinger at the end of the tail, and the Pincers have a deadly poison in them, able to kill an ordinary human in minutes from a scratch, seconds if a stab. This is passive, so it always works.

Toxin Adaption: A rather odd ability that may show a further improved process of the genome mist, the toxins used by Hilario can in fact adapt against people with an immunity, or who have consumed an antidote. Also, This ability allows Hilario himself to be immune to almost any poison, and no poison will work twice.

Poison Mist: An adaption allows him to spray from his tail a poisonous mist. While It is not as deadly as the toxin on his stinger and pincers, it can be deadly on skin contact and not just in the bloodstream.

Nervo Shot: A toxin that at a mental command can enter Hilario's bloodstream (being the exception to the Toxin Adaption). The toxin in fact speeds his nervous response, allowing him enhanced speed, agility, and mental prowess. However if during the time the toxin is in his body and he reverts to human, it will leave him sick, if not dead.

Poisonous Aura: Even without the poison mist, Hilario has an aura of toxins exuding from his body that attacks the nervous system of nearby creatures, the closer they are the more powerful the attack gets. With concentration this aura can be prevented on being used on nearby allies, but can leave Hilario distracted, and more vulnerable.

Toxin Barrier: Out of every pore of his 'skin', Hilario oozes a toxin that shoots out of the body, before solidifying as a barrier due to certain properties that is given to it as it goes through the skin.

Toxic Bullet: Hilario fires the stinger on his tail like a bullet, usually the shot penetrates right through the skin and releases the toxin, causing almost instantaneous death, very accurate. Although it takes half an hour to regenerate the stinger.

 

 

Transformation(how they turn into the beast form): First his skin goes hard and scaly, the tail bursts out, his arms turn into pincer, and finally his 'legs' turn into scorpion-legs and two more on each side burst out of his skin. His eyes also split into 8 beady yellow eyes (like the pic, instead of a scorpion's normal black.

 

Hope it's all A-OK!

 

...is it?

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If you're really 18 like your profile says, you should be able to write even a decent fanfic. You rarely capitalize "I", and you often forget to use periods when necessary. I'm sorry, I know you wrote more, but I just had to stop during Chapter 1 to say this. I took a quick peak at your other chapters, and I didn't see much improvement.

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I Have one more character

 

Name:David

Age:19

Country you came from:USA

Beast Form:Large Phoenix

Side(escapee or hunter):Escapee

Biography:As a Child, He was borned to live with his Power.He was one of the Few that escaped when kevin and the rest escaped.However he did not Follow them but Searched the Forest to find his Brother...Alex.

Normal Appearance(plz use pics):-anime-guy-.jpg

Beast Appearance(plz use pics if possible):Phenix.jpg

Elemental Enhancement(while in beast form, only allowed one):Fire

Special Moves/Abilities:

Able to shoot Fire from it's mouth

Flight:(Flies)

Revival:(Revives anybody)

Transformation:He becomes Developed in Fire,His Bones Grow Larger,His Arms turn to wings,And then he becomes a phoenix.

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