RingoEx19 Posted March 9, 2009 Report Share Posted March 9, 2009 The Battlefield Scrounger: My first fanfic. Feel free to leave feedback! [spoiler=Chapter II]As we drew nearer and nearer to the Swindler's Cutlass, I felt something begin to unravel in my muddled mind; a truth that was enshrouded by sand and dust was beginning to clear up. As Garreth spoke, I didn't listen. My footsteps were echoing off the darkened walls as we walked through a deserted tunnel underpass yet I paid no heed to the sound. It was only until the door leading into Cutlass was in sight when I realized that my web of stratagem was now weaving its way into the final pathway. There would be no turning back after my next duel with the ex-King. It would be all-or-nothing. And my passions were simply too fiery to accept nothing. And then Delonius was there. Sitting next to the shoddy entrance to the Cutlass on a green-and-white striped lawn chair with ragged holes in the seat with a smile on his face. The Ride of the Valkyries was being played from a gramophone next to Delonius' foot that looked as if it was twice as old as him. Quite plausible actually. He was a man of about sixty or seventy. He wore a businessman's suit which he had claimed to have won in a duel against an unlucky bastard. And he was smiling from ear-to-ear, as if the heavens were shining upon him today. All of his teeth underneath were as white as pearls. Latched onto his right arm was his prized duel disk that he wore whenever he was traveling outside of the Cutlass. It had a sapphire gleam to it that made it seem to glow in the midst of all the debris. My hands steadied. I breathed in the afternoon's cool air, studying Delonius' gleeful face. The craziness that lurked beneath the wrinkles was unimaginable. The former King had fallen a long way since his ascent to his throne. I was prepared. I had planned for this to happen. To defeat the former King, I needed to duel him. To duel him, I needed to fail my duties, to fall, and to become a stray lamb that had caught the shepherd's attention. Only then would I have gained the permission to duel him in a fair match where there would be no external disturbances. Garreth and I stopped in our tracks, only a few meters away from the old man sitting on his chair. I turned to Garreth and saw that his face had completely turned pale. “Boss? What are you doing her' today?” The whimpering voice was in full-motion now. Delonius chuckled lightly for what seemed to be a minute. Garreth and I stood still while this was ongoing. Out of fear? Garreth, probably. But I knew what Delonius was about to say and I simply waited for it. At last, he spoke. “What in the blazing fucks are you still doing here, Melody? Get out.” He did not sound mad nor delirious. The calmness in his voice was in control. Exactly what I predicted. I grinned and said to him, “Found out already, Delon? I didn't know that news of my duel would reach you that fast.” The former King bellowed out, “LOSING FIVE DUELS IN A ROW? YOU USELESS PUP, YOU WILL LEAVE THE CUTLASS AND REMOVE YOURSELF FROM MY SIGHTS.” Exactly what I predicted. I merely held out my duel disk and waited for his next reaction. Now the anger was present in his fuming face. I could see all of the wrinkles appear on his cheeks, around his mouth and eyes. Garreth was paralyzed to the ground as this was happening, even though he himself had told me not more than an hour ago that I had no chance of beating the ex-King in a duel. Delonius stood up and said in a voice that was utterly desolate of all the furiousness that had been there only a few seconds ago, “You told him what would happen if he loses?” Garreth nodded about five times in a row before managing to get his head to stop moving. “Then get outta here. Run inside the Cutlass or just get out of our duel.” Garreth chose the former, making a dash for the wooden door that led into the Cutlass, an underground hideout that spiraled deep into the earth's abyss. The hinges of the door creaked open and Garreth was gone. “So, Melody. You want to play that way? I thought you were an average duelist who had some smarts, but I turned out to be wrong in both ways,” Delonius jabbered in a swift voice. “Delonius, I challenge you to a duel. Will you not heed, despite your soul of a duelist?” I questioned, enunciating my words carefully. The wind picked up its pace. Delonius then held out his duel disk to me, the same way I was doing it to him. We both shouted out: “Duel!”“Duel!” Both of us drew five cards from his duel disk. Delonius then curved his lips into a sickle, grinning madly with glee. In their sunken sockets, his wild gray eyes danced in feverish excitement. He drew a card from his deck and barked out in a rasping voice, “Shall we commence this foolishness? I will take the first turn, whelp! I activate the Normal Spell card, Shared Agony!” [Discard one card from your hand. Your opponent then discards a card from his or her hand at random.] Its hologram emerged into existence into the dueling field while the Ride of the Valkyries crackled and buzzed from the antique record player sitting atop the twisted cement. With a wrinkled hand, he took a single card from his hand and slid it into the graveyard slot of the polished duel disk. Immediately, a flickering beam of grayish light discharged from the Spell card, firing into the Monster Reborn within my hand. I grimaced, dreading for what was to come. Delonius cried out, “Discard! Do as I say!” I spat into the concrete groundwork and threw my Spell card into the graveyard slot. For the first time since what had seemed to be forever, my gloved hand began to tremble. I clenched my teeth together, attempting to ignore the growing joy inside. The joy of facing the previous King of Games. From his hand, Delonius placed two cards face-down into his duel disk, murmuring softly to himself while doing so. “I Set a pair of aces down onto the field. And as for my spade, I summon The Fallen Angel! Come, serve your master, worthless cretin!” [DARK, Level 3, Fiend. 1000 ATK/100 DEF. Once per turn, you may inflict 500 points of Direct Damage to your opponent's Life Points. Afterwards, Fallen Angel cannot attack, change battle positions, cannot be attacked, and cannot activate its ability again until a Monster on the field is sent to the Graveyard.] A wispy female donning a hooded robe and a longsword came fluttering forth from the darkness. He screeched intensely, “I activate Fallen Angel's ability! Take a swooping dive into Melody's Life Points, my Angel!” The angel screeched piercingly as well and soared across the field towards me, its hidden face now visible, a disfigured and malignant shape. The next second, its blade slashed through my torso and then glided into the air behind me. Instantly, a current of electricity ran up from my duel disk into my spine, shocking me into a frenzy. I screamed, taking an involuntary step backwards, feeling the slice in my chest as if it had actually happened. The 4000 on my LED flickered as it turned into a 3500. Delonius giggled and exclaimed, “How's that feel, Melody?! Good, huh? Must be great as hell!” He tittered viciously. I struggled to regain my balance. Struggled to catch my breath. Trying to escape the pain and focus on the duel. He spoke again: “Take a good look above you, boy!” I strained my neck upwards, seeing the Angel situated above me in midair. Its wings were enveloped around its body, covering it in a darkness made entirely of pitch-black feathers. “What...a shock. I already know...your Angel's...ability...fool.” My lungs were crying out for oxygen and my vision began to double. The electric current wasn't normal; Delonius must have planted a trap somewhere. External amplifiers surrounding the duel field to increase the level of voltage within a Duel Disk? Perhaps. Delonius grinned, his cracked lips stretched across his face. “You haven't lost your stubbornness, boy. My Angel can cut your Life Points away at my whim, but upon doing that, it cannot defend me nor attack you. Quite the deal, Melody! That shall be the end of my glorious turn,” guffawed the former King of Games. I inhaled a deep breath and announced, “My turn!” I drew a card from my deck and added it to my hand. Five cards now, thanks to his Shared Fate. I closed my eyes and took the moment to analyze: He only has one card in his hand. One monster on the field that cannot defend his Life Points at the moment. Two Set cards. I'll have to activate Words of Wind. I must take this gamble if my only chance of winning lies in preventing the former King from activating his Trap cards. I took two cards from my hand, Foolish Burial and Trap Jammer, and slid them into the slots of my duel disk. I reopened my eyes, shouting, “I Set two face-down cards on the field!” My eyes burned in anticipation. It's time! My voice was now fortified with confidence, toughened and solidified. “And now! I activate my Quick-Play Spell card, Words of Wind!” I shouted. [This card can only be played if there is an equal number of Set Spell and/or Trap cards on your side of the field to your opponent’s side of the field. Discard one card and switch control of your Set Spell and/or Trap cards with your opponent’s Set Spell and/or Trap cards. You and your opponent may then look at their Set cards. No cards may be activated in response to this effect.] I discarded A Cat of Ill Omen from my hand, activating the Words of Wind: The air in the middle of the field intensified, creating a whirlwind that swiftly accelerated into a raging tempest. Delonius smiled wryly as this was occurring, licking his lips. I had no doubt in my mind that he was beginning to suspect the truth. The rising cyclone exploded, sending all four of our Set cards into the air, a cyclone of flying holograms. I darted my eyes, catching the names of his face-down cards: Twilight's Rise and Call of the Haunted. The cards then fluttered back to the ground in their original positions, but now his cards were in my control. And all Delonius had in his arsenal was my Foolish Burial and Trap Jammer, two cards that wouldn't help him in this situation. The old man looked perplexed. A frown was on his face. There truly was no doubt that he was figuring out what was happening in this duel. My smile only grew when I saw this. Time to keep the momentum strong! “I summon Witch of the Black Forest in Attack Mode!” [ATK 1100/DEF 1200]. The witch came forth into the dueling field in flowing regiments, her hands raised, poised to strike. I extended my fist towards Delonius. “Direct attack!” A nexus of gloomy energy began to materialize between the Witch's overcast hands and then it was propelled towards Delonius in a mad rush of speed. Delonius stood still as the energy sphere detonated within his range, blasting away the nearby dust in a cloud of smoke. I chuckled a little to myself, feeling my own sanity slipping. As the smoke cleared, he had not even moved. I saw the display on his duel disk blink into a 2900, but the man himself was not even fazed. Did he short-circuit his disk? That bastard— But then I saw his hand shuddering, his still-confused face quivering. The electric shocks were in effect, but Delonius was somehow absorbing the pain. He spoke at last, his voice swiftly losing his former pride: “Who are you...Melody? These cards, Trap Jammer, Words of Wind, Witch of the Black Forest, they never touched your deck when I employed you.” “I am Melody. I am myself. This deck is my original, not that cheap everyday deck that I showed you when I was under your service. I joined the Swindler's Cutlass not to serve, but to defeat you, Delonius Mirthe.” I grinned. My ambitions were endless. If I could not find and duel the King of Games, then I would simply settle for the former one. [spoiler=Chapter I]He was a street duelist in appearance and demeanor. His clothes were thrown together from a variety of rough fabrics and miscellaneous leathers that were looted from junkyards during the dreary nighttime of the city. His hair was untidy and unkempt, leaving bangs of dyed black hanging over his forehead. His eyes were not ferocious but sullen, depressed, and moody. Just like any other street duelist who fought in underground competitions for money and rations to live off of, he wasn't a glorified hero following his path of destiny to stardom in the clouds above. He was merely a scavenger of the aftermaths; a pillager of burned houses; a battlefield scrounger. A battered and scratched duel disk always remained on his left scarred arm, through day and night, sun and sleep. It was a prototype model built after the K-5300 series, one of the oldest of the current generation. There were multiple gashes across the chrome plating and the LED display was cracked in several places. Yet it had served him faithfully throughout his hardships and obstacles in the dueling field. On his right fist was a donned glove, crafted out of a strange-looking fabric that resembled wool, dyed in a blackish midnight silk color. It was rich in its looks, having an assortment of eloquent and fanciful designs and emblems printed upon its surface. However, the glove itself looked look to be generally falling apart at the seams. There were flaps and holes ripped wide open where a casual observer would notice the tanned skin and ridged knuckles underneath. However, he had worn this glove on the same hand for the last eight years and counting. Not that any casual observer would have known or assumed by just looking at it. This street duelist stood at the height of an average man. His name was Melody. Now, hunched back from fatigue and with a stream of blood running down his upper cheek, he walked alongside the cracked sidewalk with an acquaintance at his back. Garreth. A few minutes of silence had passed as they slipped through lonely alleyways that brimmed with the stench of rotting garbage overflowing from overburdened trashcans. The duo trudged through the slums of Sidon, the largest and poorest of all of the eight districts within the city of Edessa. The sun rose and filled the city slums with bright light, illuminating the rose-colored graffiti on every crumbling building Melody and Garreth passed by. After twenty or so minutes of dead air, Garreth finally spoke again to Melody in a shaking voice. “If you really lost that one, you'll pay the price. It's the fifth time this month. Delonius won't stand it anymore. He's not going to feed and shelter an underling who's not even skilled every once in a while, y'know?” A handful of seconds passed by before Melody spoke back, his own voice losing its usual confidence. “I'll prove Delon that I'm worthy enough to stay.” “With what,” Garreth hissed back at Melody. “Your outstanding record of zero outta five? Your eloquent manners? And that goddam pitiful and cheapass deck of yours? He'll kick you out, you know he will, he's not the type of leader who—” “Shut up,” Melody groaned, grinding his teeth as he felt a trickle of blood flow down the corner of his lip. “I can do it. You said that he's not a patient man, right? Why don't I beat down his ass in a duel then? Show him what's what and then I can stay until my next duel is assigned to me.” He raised his denim sleeve to his forehead and wiped off the sweat that was there. The damn sweat that came from walking through the slums for an hour. Garreth chuckled heartily, his thin chest rising and falling rapidly. But when he spoke again to Melody, his voice no longer held its mouse-like quality. It was somber and emotionless. “All of my partners have said the same thing before they got laid off the job. That all they needed to do was beat Delonius in a duel to persuade him to let them stay for a little longer. You know what happened to each and every one of them?” Melody's face tightened as he awaited Garreth's answer. “They all lost in the first couple of turns. No deck stacking, no hidden cameras, it was all clean. Delonius isn't our employer and boss for nothin'. Then while they were out cold on the ground—you know, from the goddam electric currents in the duel disk—Delon took their decks out and tore them all to pieces. It's like permanent retirement for a street duelist. He's got the honor of a duelist but no patience. None at all.” The battlefield scrounger gazed longingly into the glowing horizon as he and Garreth traveled down the littered streets that led back to the groundwork of the Swindler's Cutlass: Their home, their hell, their family. And Delonius. The head leader of the Cutlass, their employer, their overseer. He who hired street duelists to be pitted against duelists who were from another family in competitions and bets. 40% of the money that a street duelist under his wing went straight back to him. He provided a bed, a roof, rations, and a job for all capable street duelists. Melody was going up against a man who had once been crowned the King of Games back in his prime. [spoiler=Prologue]The moonlight’s luminance shone over the storming battles of our duel. There was a nostalgic fragrance in the outside air tonight; a sense of deja vu. Was it destiny occurring once again? Were the hands of a clock striking midnight at this very moment? It was a vibe that ran down a person’s spine and chilled them to the bone. Whether it was the hands of fate or pure coincidence that were driving forward the events of this night, it would have to be an issue I would divulge into later. A bead of sweat ran down the corner of my eyelid. I stared at the titanic monstrosity that was summoned before my quivering frame, a hulking behemoth that resembled a half-ogre, half-giant. Its hairless head was brimming with scars latched upon every surface visible, with a single vast eye staring mercilessly at me. It wielded a bloody morning star in both muscular arms that had large veins running down from its shoulders. It looked clumsy. But with 3500 Attack Points, I could guarantee that when it attacked, it wasn't going to be pretty for whoever was on the other side of that gigantic crude weapon. My opponent wielded a proud grin on his face, exposing his yellowed teeth. His hand was emptied by that reckless tactic he had done in order to summon his Phyrexian Beast and there were no Set cards on his field and no monsters other than that immense cyclops before him. But he looked as if victory was already in reach of his hands, despite his underwhelming card advantage. "End turn," spouted the callow man. The Swords of Revealing Light hovering above the field dissipated in a flash of scintillating lights. My protection's finally gone. I got to make this draw count. Time to count my sheep. Three cards in my hand. All situational; one that could blow away all the Spell and Trap cards on the field and send them spiraling off into the Graveyard with violent gales of squalling wind; another that would revive a monster from both players’ Graveyards and Set them down on the field; and a last card that could force my opponent into attacking with all monsters on his side of the field. The LED display on my duel disk. Three digits projected a whitish light into the nighttime shadows of the alleyway, banishing the darkness away from me like an aura. 900. It would vanish immediately away into a single digit from a single blow of that demon. A single blow would be all it would take. And not a single card on my side of the field. The odds weren’t against me; they were ready to lynch, thieve, rape, and murder me. The last turn was something that was worshiped by all capable duelists. It was a time where the raging battle would finally cease and a winner would be declared. It was a time where the hand of Lady Luck would be most seen. I closed my eyes. This would be the last turn. Whether it would end in success for me, who knew but the phantoms lurking in the depths of the city night? I swung out my hand at the duel disk latched upon my right arm, clutching the top card of my cold deck with forefinger and middle finger. "Lets end this duel." I flicked my wrist in a flourish of grace and drew the card that would lead to victory or defeat, eyes still closed. I took a deep breath of the dewy air, the scent of springtime inhaled through my nostrils, and opened my eyes. "Draw!" *** “So?” The orange radiance of the dawn was approaching from the far side of the horizon, casting a bright and almost majestic warm glow into the cityscape. Litter was thrown astray in every seeable direction of the street. Plastic bottles, ripped cardboard boxes, and endless mounds of black garbage bags were scattered on the sidewalks. The apartments in this particular neighborhood looked run-down. Shitty. Abandoned. But I knew that right now, inside the walls, were starved men wearing ragged clothing sleeping on beds with broken springs with whores who had whoresons and whoredaughters. I spat in a crack on the street, noticing with a tinge of disgust of how much red there was in my saliva. "So? What do you mean?" My words came out awkward as a result of the bruised lip and swollen cheek I now carried proudly at the dawn of the day. "Did you win or what?" His voice was nearing anticipation now. My eardrums throbbed and there was a melody of pain beating a symphony in my head. It was a grade-A migraine. "The duel ended. That's all you need to know." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legendhiro Posted March 10, 2009 Report Share Posted March 10, 2009 nice. way more descriptive than most. any eta on the first chapter? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RingoEx19 Posted March 11, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 11, 2009 I'm pretty unsatisfied with the first portion of this prologue, but I'm definitely feeling it with the second part. This is probably because I'm just horrible when it comes to making my reader visualize a YGO duel due to that this is my first time trying. I want to find that balance where the writing isn't all numbers and attack points but it's isn't mindless description, ya know? Anyway, my first chapter will be submitted to this thread on Friday night, as I'm completely booked tomorrow and the day after. If I'm feelin' it, I'll continue this fanfic. Otherwise, I'll end it and admit that I'm an embarrassment when it comes to YGO fanfics, ehehehe. : D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RingoEx19 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 The first chapter is in. Leave your comments. =] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deity Marvel Posted March 17, 2009 Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 Wow. It's probably one of the best fanfics I've seen. (And although I've only been here a month, I took a look at at most of the fanfics on the first page of the fanfic section.) I know that the story isn't that developed yet, but the reason why I like it so much is because of the way it is written. Good job, I can't wait for the next chapter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RingoEx19 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 Thanks a ton, Deity! I got a lot of planning for this fanfic through and I'm pleased as punch to say that a pretty good dueling chapter(a full concise duel this time =D) is coming out next =] Hopefully, it'll be done sometime by the end of this week, so it won't really matter if this thread hits Page 2 or Page 3. It'll be bumped right back up before Saturday for other readers to see ^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shiko11 Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 O.O' Well then. Why has nobody commented. I loved your fanfic.(I'm a sucker for descriptive writing.)I will let a few friends know of your work. Hopefully this will get more detention, it deserves it! Rating: Grammar:3/3 (outstanding!)Duel:1.5/3 (because it wasnt a full duel...)Storyline 4/4Overall: 8.5/10! Since it is 7.5/10 or higher, it gets +1 rep! yay. MODS: This is not rep spam, because the writer worked hard on this fanfic, and deserves a little something. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RingoEx19 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 O.O' Well then. Why has nobody commented. I loved your fanfic.(I'm a sucker for descriptive writing.)I will let a few friends know of your work. Hopefully this will get more detention' date=' it deserves it! Rating: Grammar:3/3 (outstanding!)Duel:1.5/3 (because it wasnt a full duel...)Storyline 4/4Overall: 8.5/10! Since it is 7.5/10 or higher, it gets +1 rep! yay. MODS: This is not rep spam, because the writer worked hard on this fanfic, and deserves a little something. :)[/quote'] Hey, thanks for the feedback! The lack of duels is possibly why this fanfic hasn't gotten much attention yet and also because I just wrote Chapter One today. Andddd maybe because people don't like reading paragraphs. Lol. Anyway, I'll be using custom cards and tons of them in Chapter 2's duel. It's just not my style to use pre-existing cards because that kinda just takes out all the suspense in a good duel when you know what's about to happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shiko11 Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 True. I happen to have a smell set of cards i've made. If you want to take a look, i could pm a link. You really don't have to. Just curious if you would maybe care to use them? They suck. lol. Anyway... yw for the feedback, anytime. That ratuing will go up when i see how the battles go. And , as I've stated in SO many posts, Idc about the format, as long as it's readable. BTW, wanna look at my spring couplet in CaW? It's not too great, but I sorta want an opinion. Keep writing! - Have a nice day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RingoEx19 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 True. I happen to have a smell set of cards i've made. If you want to take a look' date=' i could pm a link. You really don't have to. Just curious if you would maybe care to use them? They suck. lol. Anyway... yw for the feedback, anytime. That ratuing will go up when i see how the battles go. And , as I've stated in SO many posts, Idc about the format, as long as it's readable. BTW, wanna look at my spring couplet in CaW? It's not too great, but I sorta want an opinion. Keep writing! - Have a nice day![/quote'] Go ahead and PM me the link! I already finished planning out the exact duel, from beginning to end, for Chap. 2 but I think it's definitely up for modification. Besides, I think it'll be pretty cool to use another person's selfmade cards ;] I'll go ahead and look over your poem in-depth tomorrow, since it's around 1 A.M. here. Since the second round ends on the 25th, I figure it won't hurt too much to start judging. I'll PM you my review tomorrow ^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shiko11 Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 smell set of cards. :l thats my "grammar error of the day" lol. k. uhmm.... review it early? Sweet! ill prepare the link tomorrowish. I'm to tired too do anything without completely screwing it up. But you can wait, since you've got ch. 2 ready.lol smell set of cards. Thats my worst grammar error today. Anyways, ill send u the link tomorrow. Cuz im too tired to do anything without completely screwing it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RingoEx19 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 smell set of cards. :l thats my "grammar error of the day" lol. k. uhmm.... review it early? Sweet! ill prepare the link tomorrowish. I'm to tired too do anything without completely screwing it up. But you can wait' date=' since you've got ch. 2 ready.[hr']lol smell set of cards. Thats my worst grammar error today. Anyways, ill send u the link tomorrow. Cuz im too tired to do anything without completely screwing it up. Alright, I'll take this as a cue to get some sleep. I'll start doing everything tomorrow, like chapter planning and poetry reviewing and card-link-viewing and all that jazz. Later man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shiko11 Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RingoEx19 Posted March 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2009 Chapter 2 is up! Please comment and criticize ^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deity Marvel Posted March 21, 2009 Report Share Posted March 21, 2009 Chapter two was good, mainly because it had a duel in it. Can't wait for the next chapter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted March 22, 2009 Report Share Posted March 22, 2009 There is such a thing as too much description, y'know... Cut back in certain parts, or it seems like you're showing off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RingoEx19 Posted March 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 Criticism noted but rejected for the most part. This fanfic doesn't have too much description. Compared to other sucky YuGiOh fanfics that have nothing in them but names followed by "I activate my trap card" or "I play my monster card," yeah, maybe it has a bit too much decoration. But compared to real fanfics? Nope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted March 25, 2009 Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 Criticism noted but rejected for the most part. This fanfic doesn't have too much description. Compared to other sucky YuGiOh fanfics that have nothing in them but names followed by "I activate my trap card" or "I play my monster card' date='" yeah, maybe it has a bit too much decoration. But compared to real fanfics? Nope.[/quote'] I'm fine with being rejected, but just keep it in mind as an FYI. You might wanna try it; writers improve by giving criticism. EDIT: Check this article to see where I'm coming from, and compare it to your own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.