Madsen Posted March 5, 2009 Report Share Posted March 5, 2009 [align=center]Well, this is my first fiction, you maycall it bad if you want, but just please, for beingfair, state at least a reason why it "sucks"so much, and please give suggestions formaking it better. I had a hard time thinking of a name for the character(s), but,I write for enjoyment of my own. And I wouldbe please with myself if you liked it also, but stated a reason why, as I fairly want to get betterin this. When I write, I just write and write.But seeing this intro, I'm thinking that this could be a whole chapter, so lets move on. [/align] [spoiler= The Mythic Passes][spoiler= Chapter 1- Wantin' to be known] A full moon was up in the skies, while the young, 18 year old adventurer Dan Shepping was exploring the underworld ruins of Niflheim. How he got there? Well, as you can already tell, Dan was brave, and he was quite the explorer. He may have fought vicious beasts like the almighty Kraken, the dark serpent Jormungdir, or the vicious skeletons that lurk there. However, the things that enchanted Dan were his bravery, fearless heart, and, of course, his spirit and will. While he was exploring the ruins, he got into a trap. The walls were closing in on him, and he had to think and act quickly. He saw a stone on that were hundrerds of bugs. Dan then took out his a little hammer he carried, smashed the rocks and pulled a secret lever that stopped the mechanizam and opened a passage through one of the walls. He took out his flashlight while he slowly entered the passage, clearing the spiders and bugs in front of him and chrouching through. He finally got through the secret door, and then he looked above him, he was astonished as he saw a great tribute to the God of battle, Thor. He was walking around the statue, and then he spotted a door in the neck of Thor. Trying to climb the statue and failing multiple times he figured that the only way to climb up was to find either a secret elevator, or to find some rocks and move them into position, and then climb on them. But the room he entered had no exit, nor anything else but a fairly enormous rock. He tried to break it in order to find a switch or something like that. But the rock was unbreakable. Instead, he found a tiny switch on the rock, which destroyed the whole rock, wounding Dan. A table showed up, and it had a mythic item of history- one of Thor's gauntlets. As soon as he touched it, it turned into sand, all of the gauntlet, except for the power that it carried, that got stuck on his wrist. He picked up a piece of the broken rock, and as soon as he did that, it turned into five small rocks, that he could move with ease, and stack one on each other. He climbed them up, reached the door, entered the room and then a astonishing flash came up, taking Thor's gauntlet with it. As soon as he looked into the room he saw a flashy circle. And at first thought he made sure: It's a portal. "Should I move through it?"- Was what he thought the whole time. And then he made the decision, and stepped through the portal. He came out in front of the entrance to Niflheim, and he heard a loud and mystic voice saying, that is, ordering Dan to go to the Statue of the mighty Shiva. [spoiler= Chapter 2- To Thailand and to Shiva] Dan was there, in the ruin full light of the Tailands. By all means he was excited, and he knew he would be facing dangers here.He got new gear. He was ready for whatever would face him, and armed to the teeth. While steping through the jungle, he started to hear leafs crackling, and he assumed the worst- a new enemy. And he was right- as soon as he turned around a enormous tiger stood behind him and was getting ready to attack, but, soon as, Dan took up two pistols and shoot the tiger to it's full death. Picking up a notice that was on a neckless that the tiger wore, he noticed a unfamiliar script. He took out his machine for translation and read the notice written in a maya script saying: "You will not last long. This message is a warning for you if you do not go away from our lands." But none of that scared Dan. He just continued his walk in peace. After hours of walking and cutting through leaves and trees, he noticed a little village. He knew that there was a percentage of them being hostile, but Dan was thinking quickly. He climbed a nearby tree, seeing that he did right. He saw human that enslaved Maya villagers to write letters to keep the island and part of the jungle for their own, like the letter he "received", and he knew that warriors are maybe getting ready to blast him too. Quickly he understud that their rule is that a man who challenges their leader and won, was the new one. And that was like a challenge for him. Quickly he jumped from the tree, entering the village, and finding a messenger. He wanted to fight for the crown of those people. Soon as, the current King came. He laughed at Dan's challenge, as Dan was at least 3 times smaller then him. "What are you laughing at? Scared of a challenge? You can take your best warriors into fight, but you will just stand there as a coward if you do."-said Dan, with a smile on his face. The king wanted to reply, but couldn't because of his new hate to Dan. Sonn, he Introduced himself as Garith, King of the tropic soldiers. He was brutal and unpleasent. Soon, he explained his rules: "Lets hope you are man enough to satnd by the rules that you cannot use any ranged weapons or gunpowder, only melee combat. Next, no name calling like girls . And final, Fair play." Dan:"Alright, but only if I can state my own rules." Garith: "And those would be?" Dan: First off,as you said fair play, next, be a man of your word. Those are my rules" Garith: "I accept." Dan: Then, the only thing we can say is, let the battle commence. Patrol: Fight to death, melee. Start, now! And at the same moment, Garith started to try to punch Dan with his fist, failing and saying: "Good skills at dodging wont help you that now, will they?" Dan: "I don't think so." Said Dan, hiding behind a rock, climbing it, and jumping on Garith. That powerful kick gave Garith the death breath, pronauncing Dan as the winner and new King. He ruled wisely, releasing the Maya prisoners and slaves, building a small kingdom for 2 months. After those, he pronaunced a friend of his, Arth, as the new king, so that he can complete his task. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JG. Posted March 5, 2009 Report Share Posted March 5, 2009 It's cool, can't wait! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madsen Posted March 5, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 5, 2009 Um, read first chapter already? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JG. Posted March 5, 2009 Report Share Posted March 5, 2009 Yes, took me like 45 seconds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madsen Posted March 5, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 5, 2009 Did you mistake the intro as the first chapter? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madsen Posted March 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 6, 2009 BUMP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JG. Posted March 7, 2009 Report Share Posted March 7, 2009 No I did not mistake, I am just a very fast reader. Chapter 2 is also very good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madsen Posted March 8, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 8, 2009 <3Seems like you, my bro and my cousin are the only ones who read this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.